Saturday Recap

182 days out to sea.

120 days with no communication.

6 port calls.

5 days R&R in Scotland.

Lord only knows how much money spent in phone bills.

Culminates to this one day.

Where we celebrate our first day back, as a family, buying Kyra a new Halloween book.

Time Crunch

Can't sit and talk. Must finish THE LIST. Dinner party, my house, tomorrow night. Hosting a long lost friend, her daughter, and her in-laws. All. By. Myself.

I know, I deserve every "you're an idiot" comment you throw my direction.

At least Kyra is contributing by entertaining herself for a while.

Got Pics?

Because I finally downloaded some new pictures off my camera, I thought I'd just go ahead and write post #3 for the day.

Last Wednesday we paid a visit to the local aquarium with some friends. Since we arrived first, Kyra found herself a safe place to wait. Notice the doll she arrived with?

Notice the doll we left with. It was a birthday present. At least she doesn't play favorites. All her babies are abused in separate but equal fashions.
Thursday we had her 2 year check up. Twenty minutes before we had to be there Kyra decided to put hand soap in her hair. I guess she got it dirty overnight while sleeping.
Friday a girl friend of mine brought over two huge bags of tomatoes. They're now Kyra's favorite snack.
This is Kyra as of this morning. See the hip cocked out to the side? She struck the same pose in the above picture. I think its her trademark.
Remember when I told you she flirts with the lawn people? Here's proof. This afternoon she ran from the front door to the back, smiling and waving the whole time. I think the men are starting to look forward to mowing our lawn. They all smile and wave back. I'm certain she's the highlight of their day.
Now it's quite late and I really must head off to bed. No more posts for a while.
12 hours at the very least.

College Diet

Today I've been teaching Kyra the ways of college dieting.

For breakfast we had Cheerios in milk.
Lunch was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with animal crackers.
Supper consisted of Ramen Noodles with frozen peas.

I'd like to think I'm accurately preparing my kid for her future.

Cardio Blast? Anyone?

Have you guys seen the commercial for 3 Musketeers Mint yet?

The only thing better then dark chocolate is dark chocolate with mint. Mmmm....

I can't help but salivate at the thought of one of those. Mainly because I'm not letting myself have one. The Rec Department people called me on Friday to tell me my Cardio class was canceled for lack of people (and if I knew 3 more people who might sign up so we can meet a quota of 5). Don't they know I was depending on this class to help get my butt into shape so I can eat many, many yummy candy bars?

Do me a favor, will you guys? Go taste this exquisitely yummy looking dark chocolate mint flavored candy bar and tell me what I'm missing.

Time For Catching Up

~Kyra's well baby check up went much better then I had expected. She has shot up like a weed and measures in at 34.25 inches and is in the 70%. Her weight has improved and she's managed to gain a few pounds to weigh 25 pounds even, which is in the 30% range. Much better then the 10% she dropped to 6 months ago.

~My first CCD class went, um, okay. I was severely under prepared, but it turned out to be alright in the end. It was the first day, no one cried and told me how horrible of a teacher I am, and they all colored pictures to adorn the room. Next week I will, hopefully, be more prepared.

~My house is in shambles, again. While I still haven't marked off everything on my list, I have at least made some progress. But I'm sure its the laws of physics or something that every time I cross of one project, three more I've already accomplished is back on the list. What the hell is that about? I used to keep a house so clean one could eat off my floors. Since Kyra graced us with her presence, all that has been thrown to the curb.

~What would you guys think of me if I told you my guilty pleasure on TV lately is Bret Michael's show Rock of Love? What else might you think of me if I told you Kyra and I were both up watching it in my bed between the hours of 1 and 2 in this morning? Do you think less of me and my taste in mindless television? I mean, come on... since summer rolled around it's been slim pickin's. Thank goodness Gray's Anatomy starts next week.

It does start next week, right?

I'm Gonna Be a Teacher...

CCD classes start this Sunday. I had originally offered to work the nursery. Nursery duty I can handle, they're 4 and under. It's really nothing more then making sure they don't severely injure or kill themselves.

A two days ago the girl running the whole CCD program told me the teacher for 1st grade quit unexpectedly and she doesn't have anyone to fill the spot.

Being a sucker for punishment, I offered to take over the class.

Me. The one who has never taught anything more then a cheerleading routine, is going to take charge of first graders and teach them something of substance.

God help me.

The rest of you, any advice how to wrangle and instill knowledge into a 6 year old?

Happy Birthday, Beautiful

Who's There On Halloween

Have you guys ever seen this book? Kyra loves it.

In it there's a bat. I'm trying to teach her when I ask "What does a bat say" to respond with "I'vant to drink your blood. Ha ha ha!" You know, like Dracula says it. I know he's a vampire, but don't vampires turn into bats for a quick stage exit?

She hasn't mastered it yet, but when she does it's going to be great! Especially since we have 6 weeks until Halloween to get this down. I'll have to take video of it for you guys to see.

What do you think, creepy or no?

The New Face of Disappointment

I've been going to the gym since August 1st.

August 14th I had my measurements taken.

Today they were repeated to see the progress I've made loosing both inches and body fat. My results were:

• 1/2 inch around my triceps-gained
• 1 inch around my chest-lost
• 1/2 inch around my ass-lost
• 1/2 inch around my calf- gained
• body fat index- increased by 1.25%
• all other measurements remained exactly.the.same.

The advice given? Get off the weight machines and get on a cardio machine for 45 minutes every time I work out. Seriously, cardio. I hate cardio unless I'm walking or dancing. My current member ship doesn't allow me to join any of the aerobic dance classes and as for fast walking on the treadmill? Oh no, no, no... I'm supposed to do the elliptical or stair stepper. For 45 minutes.

The longest I've lasted on an elliptical machine was all of 10 minutes. As for the stair stepper? I tried it once, per the trainer's request when we first had our run through (even after I informed her I have weak ankles and easily roll them walking down a perfectly level surface) and I rolled my ankle and it was sore for over a week.

I am beyond disappointed with my results. I guess it's a good thing I'm signing up for a Cardio Blast class that the town Recreation Department cleverly threw in for the mommies dropping off children for Tumbling Tots.

Until that kicks in and makes my thighs stop juggling so much, do you have any pick me up ideas?

All Aboard the Lazy Train Express

These have been on my "To-Do" list for 2 weeks now and have yet to be acomplished.

-clean the bathrooms top to bottom: toilets (check), sinks (check), mirrors, tubs, shower curtains, floors, all minor corner detailing
-baseboards: run damp cloth along lip to clean off the dust
-fans and light fixtures: major dusting
-dust everything in every room of the house.
-Kyra's room: make some sense out of the chaos
-buy and then use touch up paint to hide all of Jeremy's nail holes in the walls that I have spackled over (or, well, I will spackle them over when I quit typing here)

I'm tired of looking around and seeing that these things are not done, yet I have no wanting, will, or desire to get them done. Anyone have a motivating factor to help me check these off?

What about you, do you have any chores still on your "to-do" lists? Come on, let me know I'm not alone here on the lazy train.

When She's Gotta Go, She Can't

***Now updated.

This evening has been spent listening to Krya cry out in pain "Poooooo-pooooo! Poo-poo Mummy, pooo-poooo!" Tears streaming down her face while she sits on the potty straining. Its starting to really upset me to see her like this.

She became a permanent attachment to my hip as she wouldn't let me put her down. Nor would she let me sit down with her on my lap. No, the only thing to stop the screaming and tears was to remain in constant motion with her on my hip. We remained like this until she fell asleep on my shoulder.

She hasn't managed to do any important business in 2 days. I called my mom and she suggested putting soap up her butt. Um, it's a little more invasive then I feel comfortable with. She also suggested giving her a laxative, I don't currently have any in my house. What I have managed to do is cram half a box of raisins and 6 ounces of warm water down her tiny little throat hoping this might help the situation tomorrow.

Any one else have any advice? Is there such thing as toddler laxatives? Do you think this has come about because she's on a hunger strike? If this doesn't fix itself soon, how long should I wait before calling in reinforcements?

***About 4pm today business was restored to normal working conditions. I don't know if it was the water and raisins from last night, the Corn Syrup in her milk, or the lone prune she ate at lunch that did it for her. Your advice was greatly appreciated as my hair grows in thin and I don't know if pulling any out would have been an attractive look for me.

Tips That Work- For Me

I'll share with you some tips that have been passed along to me in the last month that have worked wonders in my house.

Potty Training

1) Let your toddler run naked for a few days (or I was told weeks, actually) to start the potty training. I have no idea why it works, but after a few accidents Kyra got the hang of "holding it" long before I could pick my doubtful jaw off the floor.

2) Do. Not. put them back in diapers. Okay, so I cheated on this the first week. I didn't trust Kyra to suppress her business even on the short "we're out of all the essential food" trips to the grocery store. But after I tested the waters in church (of all places I figured The All Mighty might help me out here the most) I stopped putting a diaper on her for anything more then nap and bed times. Accidents happened, heck, they still do but for the most part it is usually my fault for not paying enough attention to Kyra's warning signs.

Bed Times

1) If your child wants to climb into bed with you in the middle of the night, and this causes you to get a crappy nights sleep... put them back into their own bed! It may take you 4 and 5 times a night, every hour, on the hour - for two weeks - and you begin to wonder if it's just not worth it to go ahead and let them sleep with you already, don't give up. I've been there, done that, still have residual bags under my eyes to prove it. They will scream and cry and let you know you are the worst Mommy in the whole wide world, but eventually they'll figure out they are not even going to step so much as a toe in your bed to sleep.

2) If your sweet little ball of sunshine is getting up consistently before the sun, let them cry in their bed for 15 minutes before you come in to get them. Keep pushing back that 15 minutes until they they are waking up when (a)it's an acceptable hour and (b) they get the understanding that you will come get them when you are ready. One of my girlfriends passed this tip on to me as her son was much like mine- up by 6:30 every morning, if not earlier. When she told her pediatrician's nurse, the lady swore by this, and now so does my friend and so do I.

Kyra would wake up between 6 & 6:30, I'd tell her to get back in bed (and sometimes put her in when she refused to budge), let her cry for 15 minutes before letting her crawl into my bed and watch some PBS kids for a few minutes until I could pry my eyes open. Folks, for the last (almost) week now she's been getting up between 7:20 & 8. Instead of crying in bed for 15 minutes she's now quietly playing with her dolls until it's time for Curious George or Clifford the Big Red Dog. She gets to watch one full (or partial we miss the beginning) episode before morning routine begins. It's my way of rewarding her for making it past the early hours when Clifford's Puppy Days is showing.

Now, if any of you have tips on how to make my child eat, as she is lately taken aback at the thought of swallowing more then a bite or two of for meals and snacks are now used to fatten up the dogs, I'll gladly accept them. Last thing I need her doing is loosing any weight before her 2 year well baby check up next week.

Otter's Turn to Potty Train

Yes, she's wiping his bottom.

He's In So Much Trouble

...With blonds that is.

I asked Jeremy (on MSN chat) if he wanted me to dye my hair. This was our conversation:
Me: So, do you want me to dye my hair platinum blond or what?
Him: No, I do not. I like you hair the way it is.
Me: Just checking... one $12 bottle of peroxide would do the trick.
Him: You are too smart and mouthy for a blond, it just wouldn't work.
Me: Is that right? (wheels are turning to post this a.s.a.p.)
Him: Yeah, most blonds can't spell peroxide.

We move along to talk about something he wants to do when coming home from deployment only to lead back into blond talk:
Him: So I was wondering if I can go somewhere in November...
Me: Um... that depends. Are Kyra and I invited?
Him: Maybe, but it is an all guys event.
Me: Watching naked blond strippers?
Him: Why would I spend money to watch a dumb blond when I have the hottest brunette know to man?

The funny part of this is most of his family is blond. Himself and Kyra included... all though they are a dirty blond color. Maybe he's speaking of only the bleach blond variety?

Any way, the question I pose to all of you blonds (real or fake) is could you spell peroxide before you read this conversation?

Good News All Around

Good News Nap times are starting to become lovely again. Kyra doesn't always nap, only about half the time. But thanks to advice of Jennifer's, I've let her play quietly in her bed. She doesn't have to sit there in silence, hoping maybe she'll bore herself to sleep because, well, that just wasn't working one bit. What she does have to do is stay in bed and play quietly with the 30 or so stuffed animals she thinks she must sleep with (yes, total exaggeration). Some days she falls asleep, others she entertains herself for 2 hours while I can still read my books. We're both much happier. It's quite nice.

Good News I bought 2 new bra's while on va-cay in the the Bible Belt. Lately I've been noticing how loose they've gotten. I popped into the local Victoria's Secret, tried on a few more... I've lost some inches around my chest! (not to confuse this with my "chest" chest, but my chest. You know, where the band lies.) Could this mean my mornings at the gym are paying off?

Good News Kyra is no longer screaming bloody murder as we pull into the gym parking lot. She occasionally states "No, mommy" but that's it. That's the end of her protest. I've come to realize that if she can carry her Baby (or Bear or Otter) in with her she is one happy camper. The nursery people tell me she never lets go of her death grip, but she's happy and that's all that matters.

Good News Jer and I are buying a spanking new car when he comes home. I've got a healthy lump of cash in savings (that was going to be spent on college- screw them anyway) that we've decided would be quite a nice down payment on a second vehicle. Any suggestions?

Good News I found one bottle of Tylenol high on a top shelf, in a closet, far out of Kyra's reach. The second bottle is still MIA. At least now I know I'm not completely incompetent with this child raising business. Also, thanks Jennifer for your encouraging comment. Your right, children are resourceful and will find their own trouble. Kyra's not any different, no matter how hard I try to keep trouble out of her tiny little hands.

Good News Kyra is defiantly one of the cutest children to ever grace this world and she's mine, all mine!

Questioning My Parenting Ability- Reason #182

I think Kyra self medicated herself for her nap today. She slept 4 hours. She normally sleeps 2, when she sleeps at all lately.

After hour 4 I woke her up. She was reluctant to open her eyes, instead choosing to roll over, tuck her hand under her cheek and close her eyes again. It took some persuasion but she finally got out of bed.

Strait from bed we paid a visit to the potty where I found this:

"What is that?" you ask? Why it's Infant Tylenol cold medicine. I know I had 2 small bottles of it here in the house, neither of which I can currently find.

My only thought is that maybe she tossed the bottles in the toilet before I got her ready for a nap, as she was playing in the bathroom with her bath toys (or so I thought). I didn't bother to check when I put her on the potty before her nap. She did her business, flushed, washed her hands and off to bed where she fell asleep rather quickly.

This is yet another example where I wonder if having an offspring was one of my smartest moves. Ya, I'm feeling pretty lousy today. This is defiantly one step back at my strive for the coveted Mother of the Year award.

The positive of this 4 hour nap? Kyra didn't have an accident in her bed. Go Kyra, Go Kyra!

A "What the..?" Kind of Day

Today Kyra has managed to have her first "accident" in two weeks in the middle of Jo-Ann Fabrics, with me daring to venture out for the first time since potty training with out an extra set of clothes. She wondered around the store with only a fresh pair of panties I keep in my purse and her t-shirt, as everything else was soaked- socks and shoes included.

Before leaving the store we went back to the potty to be sure we could make it home without incident. Kyra was playing and fell in and soaked her shirt. We left the store with Kyra wearing only panties.

Upon coming home a girl friend who is making a dress for Kyra that actually fits took her measurements. According to the pattern, her chest, belly and waist are a size 1/2 while her length is a 2. Can anyone tell me what size a 1/2 is? The sizes given were 1/2, 1, 2, 3, 4. Does that mean Kyra is as big around as a 6 month old and as tall as a 2 year old? That just seems weird.