Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Anorexic Eating = Jiggy Thighs

Surprisingly, I truly enjoy going to the gym. Kyra, on the other hand, hates it. Today was day 5. Kyra started screaming and crying as we drove into the parking lot! I am not kidding you. The scream fit lasted 15 more minutes after I ran (no joke) out of the nursery with her running after me screaming "MUUM-MEEE!" as she stands trapped behind a baby gate.

I know, I am so going to win that mother of the year award this time around.

Today I saw my "personal trainer". Wanna know what she does? She fills a form out to calculate my average daily calorie intake. According to her I take in an average of 1500-2000 calories a day while I'm supposed to take in 2000-2500 per day. (all right! I'm anorexic in her book!) What am I supposed to eat? More protein, less carbs. Um, hello? I am not all that fond of protein carrying foods and the boiled eggs she told me to eat, ya, not allowed to smother them in salt. Those carbs I was told to avoid, that cuts out half my diet. Somehow I think this is only going to dig my anorexic hole even deeper.

Next she took my measurement in inches. I have no idea what they were. I saw them, but numbers don't mean a whole lot to me when I didn't have anything to compare them to.

Finally she started pinching my fat with some kind of torture device to tell me just what a lard ass I am. Turns out I'm not all that bad. My "goal" is to be 25% body fat. I'm currently sitting at 30%.

Hey hey hey... I'm not such a Fatty MaGee after all!

What I don't understand is if I'm not eating enough (according to "the expert") how in the world did I get a layer of blubber surrounding my smoking hot body? My theory is moving from the hotter then haties south to the frozen tundra of the north. It was obviously my body's way of protecting itself.

Of course it couldn't have had anything to do with me sitting around eating Swiss Rolls and drinking sweet tea, Kool Aide or soda.

The absolutly fabulous news she gave me though... I have a tiny frame and will probably be this thin the rest of my life. Hell, ya. I love my ancestors for giving me such fabulous genes!


  1. Hades. Hotter than Hades.

    Sorry. I just had to do that.


  2. I agree with heather! But next wednesday i find out about the gym program the school board has so maybe i won't be hating you for too long!