Wanted: Functioning Brain. Or Xanax. Either One Works.

I'm fairly certain my brain has vacated my skull.  My reasonings for this are far to vast for me to recall, but I'll give you a few examples.

(1) The vet has called several times in the last week and a half about anything from updating us on Bishop's current medical crisis to sending him home and calling every other day to ask us about Bishop's current medical crisis.  My brain became so muddled I asked the very patient doc to please call my uncle [who is also a vet] and relay all this information to him so he could, in turn, help me translate and make an actual informed decision on what's best for our pup instead of trying to guess which door was hiding the All Expenses Paid Caribbean Vacation Package to Aruba Where Someone Will Toss My Dead Body Into the Water and Get Away With Murder!

Believe me, that door prize would have been a welcomed relief after all the crazy shit that's gone down.

(2) My house is a wreck.  I've found myself retreating to my bedroom every night only to fall asleep at some ungodly early hour so I can wake up, feel disgusted at the state of my house and march the children out the door for some activity that has nothing to do with cleaning my filthy house.  Anyone who knows anything about me knows that a dirty house drives me up the mother fucking wall.  And, yet, I haven't done a thing about it.  Not one thing past bare minimum.

And (3) Today, I took the girls to get their Christmas pictures.  Every year, after I make them sit still and behave like muted, hogtied monkeys as I pick out what to order, I reward them with a trip to see Santa.  I also shell out bare minimum to purchase the smallest portrait package available for a keepsake photo.  This year's picture?  Left on Sears' bathroom floor.  I realized this, oooh.... about 4 hours after the fact.  And an hour away from Sears. 

Now I'm in a debate with my brain of do I call Sears to see if someone found my lost 5x7's or do I chalk it up to a $20 keepsake gone and never to return. 

Ahh...

Jer tells me I'm probably over scheduled.  And I'd be willing to guess he's right.  I haven't stopped life except to run small children and pets back and forth to doctor's appointments.  Which, come to think of it, isn't really stopping-- is it?   

I need a vacation.  Not necessarily one to Aruba.  But not one to a corn field in the middle of harvest season, either. 

[Oh, hey!  Didn't I tell you?  We went to The Land of the CornHusker and on Halloween night Lydia came home with a rashy face!  To what we can only assume to be all the corn whatnots VISIBLY FLOATING through the air.  Boy, that was good times!  Keeping 6 small children in the house for a week so one of them doesn't come back looking like splotchy awesomeness...]

Better yet, maybe what I need is a good doctor that could get me a Xanax prescription. 

I wonder if they prescribe it intravenously...?

Love of the Ice

It's hot and humid outside. 90 plus degrees here in the Arctic Tundra of the North which means-- we've officially hit summer!

As a southern girl, the idea that it takes until JULY for our area to welcome summer shocks me every year.  Not that it's stopped any of the locals from opening their pools two months ago.  Having spent most of my younger years on the gulf coast of the Sunshine State, I've come to know that only tourists and small children swim in waters whose temperatures dip any lower then 85 degrees.  Weirdos.

Being that Kyra has come home from the Land of the CornHusker with a nasty case of ringworm, thanks to some barn cats she tried to love into submission, she is not allowed to go swimming for the next month, so says her pediatrician today.  I guess it's perfect timing, then, that ice skating has started back again.

Oppressively hot and humid outside...  Refreshingly frozen inside.

Last summer we signed her up for the Learn to Skate program, which teaches the kids an actual technique versus floundering wildly on the ice.

Last summer the instructor was a royal bitch who ignored Kyra because she thought she was too young to be in that particular class.  Halfway through the session, Kyra would cry- begging not to go back to ice skating. It broke my heart because I knew how much she loved this activity before that instructor came into her life.

Going into last fall and winter, I took her down from the Learn to Skate and back into a Tots program.  A program that focuses on the fun in floundering.  Once again, Kyra excelled, impressing her instructors who questioned my motives for taking a step back.  I explained, asking them if they could just bring back her love of skating, there's nothing else that would mean more at that moment.

At the request of her instructors, I signed Kyra up for the Learn to Skate program again this summer with the the hope that one of Kyra's beloved Tot coaches would be running Learn to Skate this year.

Indeed, Kyra's beloved Tot coach will be her instructor.

Today I posed an option for Kyra, would she like to do Tots AND Learn to Skate, or ballet and Learn to Skate.

I was caught off guard when she chose to skate two days a week.  I fully expected her to choose ballet.  I must say, I don't know if I owe Mother Nature's oppressive heat or her Tots coach a giant THANK YOU for bringing that love of skating.

Two days a week, while it's nasty hot outside, instead of swimming in a refreshingly warm pool, we'll be in a giant freezer.  I'm not complaining.  Not one bit.

Greetings, From the Land of the CornHuskers!

Would you consider me a bad parent if you knew I happily let my child ride this---?

I mean, lets face it,  we're surrounded by wheat fields--

And an empty road for MILES and MILES.

Besides, I think they might have topped out at a whopper of 15 miles per hour.  Just slow enough to take in all the beautiful scenery.

Can't. Think. Strait.

You'll have to excuse me for a minute or two. Yes, we're home from the Land of the CornHuskers. Yes, I have much to share. No, I can not do it now.

Seems to be the norm lately that as soon as the children go to bed, my body feels the need to hack up a lung or two.

What I'm trying to say is that I have a cold that, for the most part, only appears to be life threatening at night. I cough so hard that my brain hurts from being jostled in my own skull and my chest feels like someone is squeezing my ribs cage together and, really, I think I'm coughing hard enough and often enough that oxygen is being deprived from my brain.

I'll get back to you all once I can think clearly again.

Flat Land, No Trees and Farming Fields as Far as the Eye Can See

Just over a year ago was the last time I strapped Kyra into her car seat and wheeled her through the airport as we made our way to the Land of the CornHuskers.
This year we'll add Lydia and Jeremy to our caravan.

We leave this evening. However, my brain has had me up since the early dawn hours thinking about stupid things like logistics.

I even woke up with the confirmation I've been trying to narrow down about how I, on the way home in a few weeks, by myself with both the girls (Jer is going home before us girls), am going to manage both girls and our luggage through the airport. This is what I've come up with...

We're going to bring both girls Britax car seats and I have the Gogo Kidz Travelmate attachment for each seat. So, my plan is: I'll strap both the girls in their seats, put my back pack on with my cameras and a change of clothes for Kyra, put the diaper bag over my shoulder/across my chest (think messenger bag style), have Kyra hold her own carry on bag (we put it in her lap as she held it last year) and VOILA! I have two free hands to do things like lug both girls from one end of the airport to the other. And, even better, I also have two hands to use while I need to fish the tickets out of my back pack every three feet that you need to prove you need to be in whatever particular location (baggage check, security check, water fountain break, gate check, bathroom break, boarding)

Hopefully though, I'm crossing my fingers that on this trip the security people don't feel the need to physically pat down and search Kyra again. Last year, as we were in the airport to come home, they security x-ray machine wasn't big enough to scan Kyra's car seat.... so they patted it down by hand (okay, I can understand that), ran a wand over it (because we want to be thorough, right?), check it for explosive residue (because, you know, some days I just might feel the need to strap my kid to a bomb that's strategically hidden in her car seat), and then had Krya assume the position while they patted her down (because, you know, they apparently didn't find the bomb like material they were looking for in the car seat MAYBE I've instead chosen to attach the device to my child...?) Mind you, she was in a skirt and tank top. WHAT would we be hiding on a 2 year old wearing a skirt and tank top?

Anyway. Lets just say that I'm hoping for a better security experience this time around. Otherwise, I can't wait for this evening to come around.

Land of the CornHuskers, here I come. And I'm even bringing fresh meat this trip! Time to break in Jeremy and Lydia to the ways of flat land, no trees and farming fields as far as the eye can see.

Internet readers, I'll update you when I can. Toodles!

Newest Learned Fact

Sometimes it takes me a while to catch on.

Like when Kyra runs a random temperature for two days strait. And then off and on for the following week.

Or like when she suddenly can't seem to control her bladder, having accidents every day, several times a day, for a week.

Or, even when she's probably been scratching *cough* herself *cough* for days but I don't notice it until she says something.

I finally caught on a few days ago, when discharge was going on in the neither regions, that my kid is more then likely sporting a pretty good UTI.

But you see, we're still visiting friends in the Land of the CornHuskers and can't hop into her pediatrician for a quick treatment. In fact, when the UTI light bulb shines on my brain we aren't even in the Land of the CornHuskers but a hotel in a bordering state. What perfect timing her little body has....

For four days now I've been throwing Ocean Spray Cran-Apple Juice her way and offering her yogurt that she's refused for the most part. For two of those days, we've been accident free. Seems the cranberry fix has been doing some good for her little system.

I haven't noticed any more slight fevers, no scratching, and no discharge.

Who knew when a 2 year old gets a UTI they loose the ability to control bodily functions? Learn something new every day with this parenting gig, I guess...

Tornados, Coyboys and Weddings

As I type this, Kyra and I are currently in the Land of the CornHuskers with tornado warnings all around us. Fun times we're having here, I'll tell ya.

No, we're actually having a blast. Okay, so the tornado warning has put a slight damper on the fun times but that will be all right. I'm not all that worried. There's a brutal rain storm coming through. Flashes of lightning, high winds, small hail- all the exciting things I enjoy when thunderstorms roll around. I love the beat of the heavy drops on the windows. Quite calming.

Since leaving for the Land of the CornHusker on Monday, Kyra has run a fever for two days (Monday and Tuesday), found her first tumble weed of the year, which she insists is actually an umbrella:

Rode a pony called SnowBall:
Stalked this cowboy around as he told her all about the horses:
Who even went to find some hay for Kyra to feed the horse:

The two of them were a match made in heaven. I even taught Kyra to say "Hey, Cowboy." which was really adorable. The way I see it, Jeremy is hell-bent on Kyra going strait from Catholic School to the Convent and I'll make damn sure he at least has a good reason to send her there. Talking all seductive to cowboys 'ought to do it, eh?

I also took my turn on a horse. A 45 minute ride, out to the base of the bluffs and back with another cowboy who told us about how he met his stepmother when he was 7 and by the time he was 8 there hasn't been a day that goes by he hasn't wanted to stab her to death.

True story.

My girl friend, Joelle, and I were the only ones on this trail ride. The cowboy leading the expedition was a big'ol feller, vertically and horizontally. I have no doubt he could have overtaken the two of us with no problems. And my horse here:

Danny was his name, was quite fond of eating the tall grass, all along the way. He certainly wouldn't have been a very good get-a-way horse if the cowboy decided he didn't like Joelle or myself either....


We also went to a wedding for a bride and groom I have never met. Beautiful wedding, but the reception proved to be a bit on the funny, what the hell?, style. Like the boy here:

Who's parents clearly plucked him out of the yard, put him in the car and headed off to the wedding and reception. A sleeveless, number 28 jersey shirt, blue plaid pants, and black shoes with red lights that flashed on with each step.

Classy, yo.

He wasn't the only classy one, the head chef had apparently brought his son who was wearing a camouflage hat, sea foam green, over sized t-shirt and blue jean shorts with a dirty pair of shoes. It's one thing to bring your child to an event you're working, but then you bring him in his best play clothes? Maybe I'm a snob- but I just think that is ta-cky!

Oh, but the funniest, haha, moment was when the groomsmen attached a ball and chain to the groom for the couple's first dance. My pregnant bladder hardly held things together for that one.

Classic.

I'll try to update at least one more time before we leave. I make no promises, but I'll do my darnedest to tear myself away from all the fun times we're having to let you guys in on a good story or two.

While you waiting for me, why don't you fill me in on how you would have handled the Cowboy who wanted to kill his stepmother situation.... I'm still a little gaped mouth when I think about it.

Ask and You Shall Recieve... Pictures of My Off Spring

Lisa has requested to see picture of the lovely and beautiful Kyra. So much talk of buns in the oven lately, picture of Kyra haven't been updated in quite some time. And, honestly, I have nothing better to talk about today so why not make it easy on myself and post a blog full of pictures?

Look at those toes, don't you just want to eat them? Oh, well, maybe that's just me. But I think they are irresistibly cute!
And this is Kyra's best attempt at listening while I asked her for the 800 gazillionth time to "Just look at Mommy and smile, please."

Clearly, however, its not hard to smile when she's showing off her latest bit of loot she talked Jer and myself into buying for her. Unbeknown to her, there was purpose in this purchase...

We're leaving for the Land of the CornHusker in a week and this will be what we're packing her carry on entertainment in- toys, books, snacks. Enough to entertain her for half a day, if need be, when all we really need is 3 hours worth of fun.

This was last night's bath. She laughed and giggled for no apparent reason other then the delight of getting her hair wet.

It delights my heart to see her so happy in these carefree moments. It makes me think I might be getting the hang of this whole parenting gig after all.

So, I Lied- And Other Updates

You won't be seeing anymore pictures from our trip into CornHusker territory, for now anyway. I still have a really great picture to show you all, but I think it might take another few weeks before I can get to a computer capable of the upload. We are back in the land of dial-up here in the Sunshine State. Kyra and I had such a good time there it took us (or maybe just me because I'm getting old like that) an entire week to recover from all the fun we had.

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You all should be so very proud of me, I have been shopping today for clothes at the mall for Jer and myself, and came home with nothing for Kyra! Seriously, that is a HUGE accomplishment for me. It is such a rare thing to happen that, well, I don't know when the last time that did happen. Every time I enter the mall, as far as I can recall, Kyra has come home with some new piece of clothing.

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Kyra really is my daughter! (aside from genetically and all...) She absolutely loves fresh fruit, especially the cantaloupe and watermelon variety. Little story for ya: When I was pregnant all I ever wanted to eat was fresh fruit. I ate fruit salads galore, not that it is far from unusual for me to eat tons of fresh fruit, but I mean, I was in hyper mode when it came to devouring any bowl of fruit laid in front of me. Kyra is much the same. I stopped on the side of the road this afternoon to buy another watermelon out of the back of some local grower's pick up (because that's what we do around here) and the rest of the way home Kyra's proclaiming "Wanela? Wanella!"

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Some new Kyra words and and phrases for you guys to figure out here...
1) la-ooo
2)I-sigh
3)I see-ooo

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And finally, as I'm trying to get Krya to say "tractor" so I can properly spell it the way she says it, she is screeching at the highest octave possible and then laughing hysterically until I ask her again "Can you say tractor?" Sometimes, I wonder what's wrong with her... and did it come from Jeremy's half of the DNA?

Because I Know You Are Dying to See More Pictures

So far, in and around the land of the CornHuskers, we have....
rode around the farm on the 4 wheeler

and the girls have talked more then one person into giving them horseback rides.

They even got to see real Indians riding horseback.

We have both painted ourselves at Fort Robinson

as well as chased the wild rabbits.

The girls learned to give each other raspberries,

and taken a leisurely stroll though the gardens.

Kyra even had a dress made especially for her by Joelle.

We've taken a trip to CarHinge

and rode on the cover wagon.

One day we even took a break from our travels to swim in the local pool!

We've driven past old Mr. Crazy Horse

and through Bear Country

where Kyra gave the bears lots of love,

seen the great faces of Mt. Rushmore

It has been one busy vacation and it's not over with yet. Just wait a few more days and I'll have more pictures to show you all. No, no... don't get too excited...

How We Spent Wednesday- In Pictures

Yesterday we drove all the way to Hot Springs, South Dakota and paid a visit to Evans Plunge. We. Had. A. Blast! The water temperature was 87 degrees, the three water slides entertained everyone and, over all, I think we need one of these places over on the east coast.

Why Birds Don't Belong on the Beach

Miss me yet? It's hard to post on a regular basis when you're on vacation in a part of the country you've never set foot in before and everything is completely different from what I'm used to seeing. I'm soaking in the life of farmers, and I don't know how much wider my eyes can get when trying to see every detail with out missing something.

Wonder where I'm at yet? I'll give you a hint... the state is all about the Corn Husker. There, that's all you get. Know where I'm at yet?

Oh, ya, about those birds on the beach. I took Kyra to the beach for the first time just over a week ago. As we milled around on the beach, Kyra eating a box of raisins, I try to catch a tan, and the sea gulls looking for an easy bite to eat.

Kyra spots the birds, "Mama, B! B! See?" She's all excited, running up to them hoping one will let her pet them. The birds fly away every time. Kyra, unfazed, comes back over to me and our plot of sand and sits down to eat her raisins.

As she notices a black spot in the sand several feet away she gets up to go get what she is sure to be a raisin she's dropped while chasing after the elusive sea gulls. She didn't get but a foot from the raisin before a sea gull swooped in to snatch it up before she can get to it. Kyra. Is. Mad.

"No! Go!"
"Kyra, baby, leave them be. The raisins are yucky when they fall down."

After that, the sea gulls were after her box. IN. HER. HAND. Okay, so it's not like they were swooping in for the kill or anything, but every time she shouted "Go!" she pointed with the same hand her raisins were in. With every shout a few more fell out, a few more got eaten by the "B".

Even after all the raisins had been eaten Kyra still chased the birds around the beach, only this time instead of wanting to pet them, she was telling the flocks to "Go! Go!"

Your answer to the question "Why birds don't belong on the beach" is simple. Birds don't belong on the beach when all they're going to do is eat children's fallen raisins and not let little children pet them.