It's Official

At 20 months, Lydia is potty trained. 

We took her out of the house for the first time in panties.  We went to church, out to lunch and picked up a few groceries.  Left the house at 9:30, returned at 1:30.  4 hours out of the house and accident free. 

Ain't life grand? 

More Shit Talk

Lydia pooped in the potty for the first time today, on her own accord. 

As in, she held it all morning instead of soiling her panties. 

As in, she said she had to "pie" (her word for potty) and she dutifully climbed up there and pushed it out.  All of it.  Like, a whole freaking load.

This is the break I've been waiting for, for a week.  I'm desperately hoping this means she's finally got the clue and figured out how to poop on cue.  I'm so tired of shit.  Wiping a shit covered ass, watching the dogs eat shit off the floor, dumping shit out of panties and into the toilet.

Welcome to Motherhood!

I know I have it better then most.  Both of my kids will have been potty trained months before their second birthday.  Even still.  Shit just sucks. 

I'm kinda sad, though.  I was all excited and thrilled to say I had Lydia potty trained at 19 months, but, as it is, today Lydia is 20 months.  So even if she is completely in panties both at home and in public by the end of this week, I'll only be able to say "My GENIUS kid, essentially, potty trained herself at 20 months!" 

We didn't get it done in 3 days, but if we can get it done in 2 weeks, I'll take what I can get.

Hopefully, for all of our sakes, the talk of bodily function is coming to an end.  And then it's off to another embarrassing topic, I'm sure. 

If they gotta have something to bitch to their therapist about when they get older, I want to make sure it's something good! 

How Jeremy Can Mess Up A Good Thing in 15 Minutes

I've successfully gotten Lydia to poop 3 out of the last 6 times in the potty in the last 2 day.  I guess you could say, the odds are starting to go up-- in my favor.  What?  50/50 is better then 90/10.

With knowing that, I present to you: Lydia refusing to poop in the potty.

Riveting, I know.  

Our process goes something like this-->
 **using my soothing voice** Lydia, you need to go poo-poo.

Lydia: This woman is so lame.  If only she'd go away.

**trying again, upbeat this time** Lydia, you need to poo-poo potty.  Come on!

Lydia:  Maybe if I ignore her she'll go away.

**using my annoyed voice**  Okay, Lydie.  Come on.  You need to poop in the potty.

Lydia:  Look, bitch, I'm all done.  Clearly there is nothing going on here today.  Now let me off. Gah, you are so annoying. 

And with that, I put Lydia in panties.  Mostly because she's not having any peeing accidents and I'm tired of watching the dogs clean up the random poop piles around my house.

I know, your welcome.

Hey!  At least I posted this AFTER breakfast, right?  RIGHT?

Anyway.  So we've started panties today.

YEA FOR PANTIES!

And then on Jer's watch, as I was uploading these pictures, she shit her pants.  Just a little though. Like she knew it was wrong.

Jer changed her out, cleaned her up, slapped some new panties on her and let her run off to play.  I firmly warned him to keep an eye on her since we know she has to go, she'll probably run off to the corner of a room and take a crap.

At which point, we found her standing in Kyra's door way.  Jer said THERE YOU ARE! and, being awfully observant, started goofing off with Kyra who was standing kiddie corner to Lydia.  I glanced at Lydia, noticed the pained look on her face and said Guess what YOUR kid is doing!!!

So, as it stands.  I've managed to get Lydia successfully into panties only to have Jeremy come home and let her crap in them.  Twice.

Awesome. 

If I'm Selling Them to You Potty Trained..... The Price Just Went Up

The potty training thing is going great.... if you're talking about door #1.

See that face, there?  That is what Lydia looks like at the exact moment she's peeing.  A broad smile as she points down while muttering Beebee!  Beebee! 

Peeing in the potty, she's got down pat.

If your talking about door #2, on the other hand...  we're coming up a little short.

This child can hold her shit until the most inappropriate time.  Like while eating an afternoon snack, when she promptly stands up in her chair and takes a crap right then and there.  And it's not to say that the poop suddenly crept up on her.

Oh, no.

She had been walking around the house for an hour, holding her ass cheek.  I'd ask her Do you need to poo poo? At which point she'd nod her whole body (seriously- she bends at the waist, not the neck) and takes off running to the bathroom.  She'd climb up to her throne, take a seat and let loose a few spells of gas... and then promptly double over with laughter before signing that she was all done.

No. Shit. (pun totally intended)

So, day 2 of potty training a 19 month old.  Mildly successful.

Now, let me show you something insane.

That's Kyra flying across the ice in a squat position.  If, I, were to do that, I'd be in less of a forward motion and in more of a flat on my ass position. 

But, wait- it gets better.

Um... ya... about that...  Why, yes I have a 4 year old who can skate 1 footed circles around me and no, I have no idea where she got this kind of talent from. 

Jeremy can skate in a recklessly basic forward and backwards type of movement but he has no clue how to stop or, well, do much of anything else.  The best I can do is a slightly more graceful forward, backward or stopping motion.  But this craziness?  Psh.

No wonder I have coaches asking me on a weekly basis if I'd like to have private lessons for her.  If she keeps this up, we just might see her in the 2022 Winter Olympics.  I'll also have to start selling any and all subsequent children on the black market to pay for such things as ice time and coaching fees, but, you know, whatever is best for my little girl.

Ahh.... the give and take of motherhood.

A Day of Growing

Lydia decided first thing this morning that TODAY was the day she wants to potty train as she shed her diaper and emphatically pointed to her crotch and then the bathroom.

Whatever you want, kid.  In NO WAY am I going to deny you the desire to ditching those damned diapers.

I was actually planning to sit down and do a serious potty training session later on this week.  Kyra's activities all seem to be taking a hiatus for the next two and a half weeks and what better time to start then.... today?  I guess?

Anyhow.  

While impromptu training is going on, I decided it would be a good time to clean out the girls' closets and dresser.  Out with the scantly clad, in with the growing room.

Turns out, the girls have had a fucking field day with growing this summer.  Nothing fits, and by nothing, I mean each child is left with a total of 3 outfits each.  As for the rest of their crap, I've clearly been stuffing them in their clothes like sardines.

It's funny how children have these sudden growth spurts.  Kyra's managed to jump 2 complete sizes from a 4 to a 6.  Lydia is trying to grow out of her 24 month clothes long before I expected her to and now she's potty training herself at 19 months.  I mean, COME. ON.  What's the rush?

Okay, well, except for the potty training.  That shit can't come soon enough...

I must say, with all the sadness of their growing up at least I know one this is for sure...  Lydia still has the smallest, teeniest old man's ass I have ever seen in my life.

Ahh... potty  training.  The good, the bad and the ugly. 

This Just In!

3 minutes ago, Lydia successfully pee'd in the potty.
 
Now, lets hope it wasn't a complete and total fluke so we can get a good foundation set for actual training efforts.  And then....

Let the training-- BEGIN!

I know, just what you all are dying to hear- more tales of bodily functions.  It'll be thrilling.

You Can Call Me The Potty Training Queen

Oh ya, that's right. Need your kid potty trained in 3 days or less? Send 'em to me, The Potty Training Queen.

Although I say that now, tomorrow morning will be the true test of whether or not this curly haired mop head (which, by the way you can totally blame on me because I have no idea what to do with curls) will be part of the uber exclusive Pee Pee in the Potty Club.

What do you have to do to get in this club you ask? Why, you have to run around without any bottoms on until you've proven you know how to use the potty in it's proper intended manner. When this has been accomplished you earn the right to wear panties.

Little Miss Rachel here, has earned the right to wear her panties today. Tomorrow morning, if we make it through church services and a proper hand off to her parents she will have officially entered The Club.

Just remember.... it is always the toddler's choice whether or not they stay in The Club. Lets hope Rachel makes the right decision.

With that... Good job Rachel, you've earned your panties!

Dear God,

Please don't make me eat my words in front of her mother. I'd appreciate it if you help me tomorrow the same way you helped with Kyra's first of many outings after joining The Club.

Much love,

Slave to the Mommy Trade

Need A Potty Break?

I could tell you about how Kyra has gone one week without having an accident during nap time. This is a feat that hasn't been accomplished since Jeremy came home from deployment.

Or, maybe, how she's not having nearly the number of accidents this last week as she's had in the month Jer's been home.

Possibly, though, I could fill you all in about how all my bragging about how my kid was so potty trained and I had the best little "pee pee in the potty" toddler that ever graced this world turned around and bit me in the bottom when Jer came home. Then we couldn't find enough pants to last us 3 days without having to do more loads of laundry.

Jeremy's homecoming over a month ago put one serious cramp in Kyra's potty training regimen. Not that he, personally, had anything to do with it, just his mere presence threw Kyra into a whirl wind full of accidental puddles.

Really, though, I tell you all of that just to tie in this picture I took over the summer. I've been stashing it, waiting for the most opportune time to write a post about it, but there's no explaining why there is both a toilet and recliner perched on some hay bales. Instead, you'll have to come up with your own reasons.

Humor me, why do you think this display was on the side of a highway?

Hey, It's Progress

What would you do if your child climbed in your bed naked at 1:30 in the morning? If you were me you'd pick said child up and put them back into their own bed.

Oh, wait... First of all, why is the child naked?

Upon picking Kyra up to put her back in bed, not only did I find she was naked be she also smelled like poo.

Apparently she managed to wake up, undress herself, climb on the potty and do her business all by her little self. She even wiped, as was the evidence of a toilet so full of paper it couldn't flush.

The downside? She didn't wipe all that well.

She smelled like poo in my bed because it was scraped from her bottom to her back as she slid off the potty. There was poo in my bed, on my clothes, on Kyra, and on the potty.

I made sure to stress to Kyra that the next time she had to go potty to wake Mommy or Daddy so we may help her.

She woke me up at 7:30 to pee-pee in the potty.

Waking up to go potty is a first. Waking up to go potty twice in one night is progress.

Otter's Turn to Potty Train

Yes, she's wiping his bottom.

Questioning My Parenting Ability- Reason #182

I think Kyra self medicated herself for her nap today. She slept 4 hours. She normally sleeps 2, when she sleeps at all lately.

After hour 4 I woke her up. She was reluctant to open her eyes, instead choosing to roll over, tuck her hand under her cheek and close her eyes again. It took some persuasion but she finally got out of bed.

Strait from bed we paid a visit to the potty where I found this:

"What is that?" you ask? Why it's Infant Tylenol cold medicine. I know I had 2 small bottles of it here in the house, neither of which I can currently find.

My only thought is that maybe she tossed the bottles in the toilet before I got her ready for a nap, as she was playing in the bathroom with her bath toys (or so I thought). I didn't bother to check when I put her on the potty before her nap. She did her business, flushed, washed her hands and off to bed where she fell asleep rather quickly.

This is yet another example where I wonder if having an offspring was one of my smartest moves. Ya, I'm feeling pretty lousy today. This is defiantly one step back at my strive for the coveted Mother of the Year award.

The positive of this 4 hour nap? Kyra didn't have an accident in her bed. Go Kyra, Go Kyra!

A "What the..?" Kind of Day

Today Kyra has managed to have her first "accident" in two weeks in the middle of Jo-Ann Fabrics, with me daring to venture out for the first time since potty training with out an extra set of clothes. She wondered around the store with only a fresh pair of panties I keep in my purse and her t-shirt, as everything else was soaked- socks and shoes included.

Before leaving the store we went back to the potty to be sure we could make it home without incident. Kyra was playing and fell in and soaked her shirt. We left the store with Kyra wearing only panties.

Upon coming home a girl friend who is making a dress for Kyra that actually fits took her measurements. According to the pattern, her chest, belly and waist are a size 1/2 while her length is a 2. Can anyone tell me what size a 1/2 is? The sizes given were 1/2, 1, 2, 3, 4. Does that mean Kyra is as big around as a 6 month old and as tall as a 2 year old? That just seems weird.

BIG NEWS!

Lets hope I don't jinx this for myself...

For 3 consecutive days, Kyra has taken a nap on my couch- wearing her panties. For 3 consecutive days we have had not one accident while sleeping on the couch- wearing her panties.

For 2 nonconsecutive nights now, Kyra has woken up in the morning with a dry diaper.

Now it's Ronald's turn to wear the panties.

In other news, it's fricken freezing here today. All windows and doors are shut and the heater has been turned on. I want my comfortably warm New England summer back... to hell with winter being this early!

Kangaroo Jumping and Giraffes Going Pee Pee in the Potty

Kyra has mastered the jump. Both feet now come off the ground. She also thinks it is great fun to occasionally, in the middle of her 2 inch leap of faith, to bend at the waist and fall on her bum. I think it would hurt dearly if I tried it, but I'm thinking she must have a different technique then I do because she laughs hysterically before getting up to do it again. She has turned herself into a regular jumping kangaroo, bouncing around my house 2 inches at a time, from her feet to her tail and back up again.

Along with having a Kangaroo around my house, I have also acquired a potty training Giraffe. Kyra has taken her pull toy (also known as G'aff) and started to teach it pee pee in the potty. Don't worry, G'aff isn't alone, Al Ga-or (our resident alligator whose back is a xylophone) and Al Ga-or (our alphabet spouting caterpillar with the same name) have all started potty training as well. Kyra takes each one, several times a day, and holds them over the potty while instructing them how to, uh, pee pee in the potty. She also tells them that they must wipe, flush and wash their hands. Freaking adorable, people.

Just Over A Week and I'd Call Her Trained- For the Most Part

Just to rub it in that my child is spectacular, Kyra went yet another all day in panties today. Well, most of the day, nap time and bed times don't count.

While she did have 2 accidents, both were my fault.

The first was this morning after our swim class. I didn't bother to send her to the potty before we left thinking she had probably pee'd in the pool anyway. Guess not. Once we stopped at the door of our vehicle she said "Pee pee, Mommy" then let loose. Next time I'll know better.

The second time was tonight. I decided it would be nice to take an hour long walk with her in panties. She made it 45 minutes.

Potty training has been no more difficult then anything else she's had to learn how to do (going from bottle to sippy, from sippy to cup, fingers to fork). I'm going around getting gape mouthed looks from most people upon finding out that she's already in panties and not soiling them.

How is it I've been blessed with such and easy child? Sure, she has her moments, but what child doesn't. Kyra, however, is one of the easiest children--ever.

**and to my mother who told me while pregnant and emotional that she hoped I'd have a child twice as horrible as I was growing up... Damn, woman, I must have been a cake walk!

Puddles and Logs

I'm tired of cleaning up puddles and logs off off the floor. Who do you think the guilty culprit(s) has been lately? I'll give you a hint, they've been potty trained for many years now.

Note To Self

Just because Kyra can make it though 1 hour of church with out soiling her panties doesn't mean its a good idea to take her to a 4 hour birthday party with her panties on. Her thighs are not big enough to make a seal with the leg holes and she will poop on the host's floor.

Poo Poo In the Pot-tay

Yes folks, its that time again. Potty Training, take 2!

Monday I had a luncheon with some lovely ladies who suggested that I let Kyra run around naked for a few days. I didn't quite understand how that makes her pee-pee in the potty, but I was willing to give it a try.

Tuesday, Run Naked Day 1- I take her to the potty every 15 minutes, not one accident. Granted she held her poo until I put a diaper on her for nap time, but none the less, I didn't have to clean up the floor once.

Wednesday, Run Naked Day 2- Good gosh, I can't believe this is working 2 days in a row!

Thursday, Run Naked Day 3- This is working so well that I decided to put panties on her after supper. Trouble hits, I'm cleaning puddles up off the floor. Its good thing I have hard wood.

Friday, No More Naked Baby Syndrome- Panties go on shortly after breakfast, the puddles begin.  We change her panties.  This goes on through 4 more pair of under-roo's, and then it clicks! The remainder of the day is spent in the same pair of drawers! Yea!

The most exciting part of the day is that not only is Kyra taking herself to the potty, but on one of these occations she poo'd in the potty! We clapped, yea'd and made a great big deal out of it. And just because I thought she needed to make it a little more special, we called my mom so Kyra could tell "Ga" what she did. After the phone call Kyra was so proud of her self every time she went to the potty she wanted to call "Ga".

This potty training is turning out much simpler than I thought, or maybe I've been really lucky on this one too. Hopefully I'm not jinxing the whole process...

Pee-Pee?

Yep, you read that correctly, Kyra can now tell me she has to go "pee-pee?" Yes, she always puts it in the form of a question. Of course, this comes a month after I originally tried to potty train her. Kyra doesn't always tell me when she has to do her business, but when she does she usually delivers. She has even started to, uh, clean herself (if you get my drift). I'm not complaining. I'm clapping for her and proclaiming "yea" with every new accomplishment. This whole not pushing it and positive feed back is really doing the trick. Who knew?

Maybe this means that when we finish our world travels and get back to New England she will be well on her way to a super quick potty training adventure! Maybe?

Uncle!

Today is day 1 of official potty training, and I've thrown in the towel already. For any of you who feel the need to tell me that I should wait until she's older, I don't want to hear it. For any of you who tell me that your mother had you potty trained by 2 with no problems, I don't want to hear it. If you've got some sound piece of advice that doesn't make me look or sound like a wimp or hurt my ego, I'm all ears.

Here is what I've found in the half day we've spent running back and forth to the bathroom:

1) Kyra is a tinkler, as in she pee's about every 5 minutes. Literally. I'll put her on the toilet, she'll do (what I think) is a pretty good bit of "business", I take her down put her panties on and within 5-10 minutes she's wet another pair of panties. Unless I set her on the toilet for the entire day, I don't think we're going to accomplish much.

2) Kyra's panties don't really fit her. I bought the smallest size I've found anywhere, 18 months, and they still hang down to her knees. Thank God we were all made with a small crook where your legs meet your trunk because that is the only thing saving her drawers from falling down. The whole purpose of "feeling" that she's wet is not being met with her crotch hanging at her knees, thus she's not telling me anything until I see her legs are shiny from another little tinkle.

3) This one, quite obviously, ties in with the fact that her panties don't fit... I've cleaned up the poop trail from our hundred yard dash to the potty twice today and I am thoroughly grossed out. I am not exactly thrilled when I have to change a poopy diaper, but I'd rather do that 10 times over then have to change a poopy kid (because it's fallen from her behind all the way down to her feet), poopy panties, and a poopy floor all in one setting. I've had it. I'm hollering "Uncle!" so the whole world can hear me.

With all this, I think we are going to wait another few months and try again. Maybe she'll gain a few more pounds and she'll fit a bit more snug in the pants. That is, unless I can find some 12 month training pants around here. There is no sense in keeping this up when I'm cleaning up 3 times the mess I was with diapers.