Saturday, October 13, 2007

Christopher Columbus- Here's to You

Last weekend was Columbus Day. I mentioned we were heading on a quick trip. We were in search of Sweet Tea, which can only be found in it's truest form when your on the southern side of the Mason Dixon Line. (okay, so we weren't in search of sweet tea, but it sounds better then the truth.... we were house hunting)

Mind you, Kyra is now full time in panties (alright, so I lied again... but diapers while sleeping doesn't count). A 8 1/2 hour trip turned into 12 hours once we finished stopping on every. single. exit to check out their bathrooms. Because, you know how terrible it would be if we actually had to miss an exit or two.

We were geared up. Sunglasses- check, snacks- check, three hundred books because Kyra would rather read a book then play with any kind of toy- check, Kyra's sheep from Scotland (a.k.a. Baa)- check. We were ready to roll.
We made it into and out of New York City with in several hours and headed south through the great state of New Jersey... who even at the very last exit, farthest from New York, was still supporting the Big Apple.
The driver for most of the trip was the Husband. As he is a terrible navigator (much like Mr. Columbus) and is thus not allowed to handle a map.
When the Husband started getting tired and yawning too much, I proceeded to keep him awake by egging Kyra on in a screaming match. Oh, we had a great time. Our driver? He complained of a growing headache. And something about his eardrums about to explode because he could only cover one ear at a time. Really, he bitched too much. Kyra and I were doing him a service by helping to keep him awake and alert.
When the screaming match was over and Kyra decided it was nap time, I wisely started to pain my toenails in a closed area so we could all get high while my nails looked all kinds of pretty. Except that, well, one should not paint your toes while someone is getting high while driving. I'm sure he was aiming for every bump and pothole in the road just so my pedicure would turn out like this:
As a caution to the rest of you who may be driving through State Road 13 in Maryland... don't stop. Even when the hubby insists on a supper break at the local Stuckey's because a tattered billboard states they serve sandwiches, don't stop. This whole stretch of Maryland smells like a cow poo and, well, the flies run rampant. This is no exaggeration, we stopped and paid the price. I was keeping my eyes open for some kind of farm animal to explain both the burning nostril stench and overwhelming fly colonies. No animals aside from the flies were ever found.

Once we exited that shit hole, we entered a slightly less of a shit hole. At the Pizza Hut 20 miles down the road the stench of manure was still around, but tolerable. The flies were also still hanging out, but in smaller swarms. We at least thought we could find something non-dairy for Kyra to eat as their menu offered Ham and Cheese sandwiches. So we ordered one for her, with out the cheese and stressed the issue that she was ALLERGIC TO DAIRY and not to ignore this request. A ham sandwich was served, sans a slice of cheese, but with baked cheese on top of the bread! Those Maryland folks were missing a few important screws, if you get my drift.

Once we made it past the Mason Dixon line we stayed the night at a friends house. I have no pictures or proof of this, you'll just have to take my word on the matter. Once our house hunting search was finished, and by finished what I mean is we couldn't find the damned place, gave up and found something better to do- like stop at a local park and play on the swings.

And we took a walk through a really creepy Blair Witch style wooded area. The farther back we went along the trail the further away from civilization we were and no signs of an end were near. My girl friend and I even sent our husbands ahead of us to see how close were were to finishing. When the boys came back they said we should turn around, no end to the trail was ever found.

On our way home the next day we made one of our many pit stops for Kyra in a Food Lion grocery store. In the parking lot this tractor was creeping through on its way to plow (or do whatever this kind of tractor does) a small acre size field in between the Food Lion parking lot and the Sonic in front of it. Odd place for a field I thought, but I guess that's why they didn't consult me when making these decisions.

Finally, all of that culminates to this: on the 12 hour drive there Kyra mastered her vampire/bat line. Okay, so she hasn't quite mastered it as she still garbles the words, but she has the rhythm down. If you can speak Toddler you'd know exactly what she was saying. For your viewing pleasure, I present this video to you all. Enjoy.


  1. What an interesting trip! Love all the pictures. And the video is so CUTE! She is precious!

  2. Wow. A toddler on a 12-hour trip and you are still alive to write about it!
    We used to live in Maryland. Let me know if you need any tips or info.