Tuesday, April 10, 2007


Apparently that's the year we're still living in here in the bible belt, as my mother still has dial up Internet. Yes, dial up. The slowest of the slow, the retarded kid in the bunch, the one who is always lagging behind.

"But Mom," I say, "if you switch to cable, you're only paying $15 dollars more per month. Surely you could afford that? And if not, I'll write you a check for the entire amount of cable Internet every month." Two weeks in and we still don't have cable.

Mom and I had talked about this long before I got here and I thought we agreed on the switch. I wanted cable Internet to talk to Jeremy. She complained about dial up, she too had said she wanted something better. Her web cam doesn't work with dial up. Jer and I got it for her 14 months ago so she could watch Kyra grow before their eyes from a thousand miles away, and the last time she used it was 13 months ago. "I want to be able to talk to Jer when he's in port because that's one of the reasons we got him his fancy new lap top with a web camera, so he could see his wife and his daughter, and Kyra wouldn't forget who her daddy is."

All this has apparently fallen to deaf ears. I. Am. Pissed. Jer is in yet another port for a bit this week and for another port Kyra can't see him.

Aside from all that, I can't show you guys the pictures of Kyra looking at a horse with just three inches between them and refusing to touch him. And I can't show you all that cute Easter pictures of Kyra finding the colorful eggs under leaves and behind trees. And I can't show you pictures. Period. Because dial up is so f*cking slow, it doesn't load up a d*mned thing!

I'm pissed about this dial up thing because nearly every time I get on, the phone rings, kicks me off, I loose the work I'm doing and I have to start all over again. Jeremy probably thinks I've forgotten him, as I've written him a whopping 2 times since they left. You beautiful blog readers have probably forgotten all about me with a drifting wonder of why I have dropped of the face of the blog sphere. And, finally, because I can't up load any picture to anything, such as to the Wal-Mart website to send some to Jer's parents since another summer has to go by that we can't afford to go see them.

AOL dial up, you suck. I hate you and wish only horrible things upon your puny existence as it stands today, in 2007. In 1995 you were great, fantastic, whatever. In 2007, you are the vein of my existence. I hope your run will end. Soon. Tomorrow would be nice.


  1. Maybe this will make you feel better: I don't have internet access at all. And my laptop is dead, so I am completely computer-less at home. I use to go to my mother's house and use her computer, but it also died. And my boss blocks another website everyday - I can no longer get on MySpace or Facebook, and I just know that Blogger will be next.

    Keep in mind that I am a graphic designer! My house is being paid for by the work that I create on computers! Yet I don't even have one that I can use except at work.

  2. Ughhhhh just switch it to DSL yourself and when the bill comes in, feign surprise. :P

  3. Bane of my existence, dear, Bane. Bane is a substance that causes pain or drives an unwanted thing away. Wolfsbane, dragonsbane, etc.

    And now you can write a new greivance about friends who proofread your blog and read too much.