Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Who Wants My Screaming Banshee?

Here's my dilemma. 

Next Tuesday, as in one week from today, I scheduled an appointment to have my lady bits checked out.  Make sure everything is hunky dory and still in the same places they're supposed to be, if you get my drift.

Being a woman is downright glamorous, if nothing else.

The thing is, I scheduled it at a point in the day where Jeremy could get off a little early from work, come home and make sure the house doesn't burn down while the girls take their naps.  Easy enough, right?

Except that when Jeremy comes home today and says he can't get off  early next Tuesday because of training and how shoving one's thumb up one's own ass is SO IMPORTANT to the Navy's way of life.

So, my options are as follows
1) I can take the girls with me to the appointment and give Kyra a quick homeschool lesson on why being a woman can sometimes SUCK. ASS.
2) I can reschedule the appointment and hope for better luck in having the Navy cooperate next time.
3) say FUCK IT! and place trust in the good Lord and know my body will be just fine.
or, 4) ask a friend to watch the girls while I'm being violated.

Jeremy says I should go with #4.  The thing is, if I go with #4, then I wouldn't really be a very good friend knowing that Lydia may or may not (but probably, totally will) SCREAM BLOODY FUCKING MURDER the entire time I'm away.  Because that's what she does, that sweet little child of mine. 

My first inclination is to go with #3 because I hate doctors and I'm not currently dying so I don't see the point in being tormented by someone who wants me to just relax in a situation that is so. not. relaxing. 

#2 is as simple as a coin toss, I may or may not get the desired effect of my choosing.

And #1, well, I think that's just cruel and unusual punishment.  For me.  Can you imagine it? My always inquisitive older child?

What are they doing, Mommy?  Why are they doing that?  What is that, Doctor?  Can I help?  Can I see? Ooh, I can hold that for you!

So, essentially what I need to decide is do I want to skip the appointment entirely, attempt to reschedule, or ask one of my local friends if they'd like to host Kyra and her little sister, Holy Terror, for an afternoon of jovial fun.

Decisions, decisions...


  1. too bad you added that little word "local" to the last paragraph ... i was all ready to jump up and down, waving my arms, hoping you'd pick me!

  2. GO! and have fun! ;)

    PS: Nothing rope and duck tape won't fix(Lydia, not your girly bits)!

  3. Joelle- Added "local" just for you. Knew you'd be the first one to offer. =-

    Lisa- If I'm seeing a doctor that's going to fix my girly bits with rope and duck tape, I think I've got a whole 'nother set of issues on my hands (among other things)!

  4. You really should go. I am not sure which option you should pick but definitely one that includes you going. Feel free to Mail Kyra and Lydia this way. :o)
    By the way, I will be going to the doctor that same week. Holding my breath. I really HATE doctors and I hate this appointment. I will never get used to it.
    Hope you are able to go and get good news.

  5. CJ- I thought you were my friend. Hmph. You're supposed to say "nope, I ain't keepin yo kid. Better cancel the appointment."

  6. Sorry but I know the importance of these appointments. But like I said... Mail the girls here. I can only imagine your mother would love to see them! :0)

  7. It did, didn't it. Thanks for your help!