Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Go From Strawberries to Jam and Shortcake For Dessert

First, you must go out and pick the goods strait from the fields. Because, lets face it, if the strawberries are bought in the store and were shipped in from the opposite side of the country, or, ANOTHER country all together, they probably weren't at their peak of ripeness and just wont do. Find a few minions
and promise them they'll get ice cream when the jobs finished.
This way, it won't be any trouble getting them to do your dirty work. Now, on to the kitchen.
Next, tell the female minion to go find her RED apron so the strawberry stains will just blend in to the fabric color. You'll need this person to do the physical, dirty work to make the jam.
She'll be required to do things such as mash the strawberries,
And whisk in all the other ingredients over an open flame. This not only keeps YOU from having to stand over a hot pot, but teaches the female minion how to cook safely if she doesn't want to catch on fire.
Once YOU fill all the jars because, lets face it, the female minion will try to stick her finger in ever one of them to "taste test" the jam if she is allowed to fill the jars and we already fed the minion ice cream, she doesn't need any more food right now unless we'd like her to eat us out of house and home.
Once the jars are properly canned and sealed, you've now made yourself 16 jars of strawberry jam.
But don't put those jars away, yet!
Make certain the female minion does a through check of the seal and durability of the jar. Better if the jar isn't sealed properly that it leaks out on her and not you. And now, your strawberry jam making day is complete!

Next on the agenda with the left over strawberries? SHORTCAKE!

Make yourself a great big bowl of strawberry shortcake. Mmmmm....
And then watch how your underpaid, overworked, female minion steals your bowl and eats it right in front of you.
Watch how she taunts you by licking the whip cream you so carefully spooned on top of the berries.
Watch how when she's done with that spoon full
She'll go back for more. MUCH MORE.
And she'll clear that great big old heap into her pie hole with no complications.
Easy peasy.
And watch how your female minion finishes off the entire bowl in front of you and doesn't even offer you a single bite to share. Isn't she just a doll.

***Oh, and what's up with you guys? I ask you about Facebook and you're all WOO-HOO! FACEBOOK ROCKS! I ask you about making homemade jam and you're all *crickets*. Now I see what you guys do all day, and it doesn't involve kitchen utensils in the slightest.***


  1. Didn't you know - we sit on our butts all day and play on computers, we don't *cook*. My instructions for jam involve a trip to the grocery store.

    And just so you know, I grow my OWN strawberries! (in Farm Town...)

  2. hahaha ... you know i try to stay out of the kitchen as much as i can (tho i didn't see yesterday's post until tonight anyway)! your pictures are adorable and looks like she had fun helping!

  3. She's an adorable little minion. Maybe you should start training Lydia now, too.

    I told you Smuckers. And I am so lazy about it that I buy the squeezable kind so I don't even need a knife.

    Don't tell the husband of my secrets- he may trade me in for a much more useful companion.