Thursday, May 14, 2009

To Each His Own

Its not very often I receive hateful comments. Usually on really old posts when someone is just tuning in to one of the thousands of ways I abuse my children. You know, with all the beatings they get, times I lock them out of the house in the cold snowy nights and those days I just out right decide not to feed them for a day or two. And since none of that has ever happened, I tend to, you know, not get hateful comments. Until yesterday when I had two people for the sake of taking out their own aggression write me about my post on Tuesday.

Here, I'll let you guys read what they said for yourselves, and then I'll continue.
So, it seems like the only lesson you think you've taught your daughter is to make sure you're not around before she transgresses or breaks one of your rules? Great parenting there.

Wow. I'm reading a lot of blogs lately and I've got to say that yours is really something. Your daughter is three. You're too cheap to turn up your thermostat and you've taken her bed away for a week?

Is the point to punish the spirit out of her or are you just teaching her to win at any cost?

I admit I'm coming at this from a different place. On March 8, my three year old daughter unexpectedly died. Her heart just stopped. I so miss talking with her. It's obvious from the conversation you quoted that your daughter is really bright and you clearly love her but speaking from experience, you might want to rethink how important this argument is. Sometimes I think we get caught up in establishing the family hierarchy. Sometimes we secretly just want to win. At least I see this with my
parenting of my seven year old.

Your daughter sounds like a really great kid. You've made your point. She'll remember this and I'm betting it won't be with the thought that you had her best interest at heart. Let it go and think about whether if you lost her tomorrow you'd be proud of your choices.

The thing is, Randi and Anonymous, why don't you judge me just a little more. I mean, clearly you don't see eye to eye with my parenting skills, but so what. To each his own.

I had one of my best friends tell me over the phone how she'd never take her child's bed away from her and for that, now I'm not going to be the one she leaves her child to if she ever passes. Though, she may also not want to leave me her child because I said if she ever does I'm going to take her to the circus to see all the abused animals and clowns who are certain to be chain smoking alcoholics. She sees it as one of the many things not right in the world, I see it as family entertainment. We both laugh, and move on.

But the thing about it is, my friend didn't judge me. Because that's not what you do to someone else. You don't judge your friends. You don't judge a stranger. No matter how many different angles you look at it, you JUST DON'T JUDGE. And that is something your mother should have taught you two.

Kyra is a good kid. A GREAT kid. It's probably the why I call her the World's Most Perfect Child. The reason she is a good kid is because I set boundaries and when those boundaries are crossed she gets punished. It's a matter of learning actions and consequences. Something that will come in very handy later in life.

Maybe you should look beyond the fact that her punishment was having her bed taken away. At least she didn't get beat to the point of having such terrible bruises on her ass that she couldn't sit down because a drunk care taker sat on her, beating her bare bottom when she was 13 over the issue that she was sick and wanted to lie in bed rather then do the dishes. And at least she won't have to go through when her mother found out she was told she should have listened and just done what she was told. Because that's what happened to me. And in my book that is listed under both child abuse and neglect.

But that's not Kyra's story. Kyra's story is she broke the rules and she took her consequence gracefully. And if, like Anonymous' daughter, God should decide to take her to heaven tomorrow, I will live peacefully knowing that I did my job as a parent. Because when she got her bed back last night, long before these comments came rolling in, with a gleeful smile she proclaimed she LOVES her bed she's not ever ever ever going to jump on it anymore.

So, Randi and Anonymous, why don't you judge me just a little bit more.


  1. Don't let it get you down. Everyone has their own opinions about how a child should be raised, and everyone thinks their opinion is the right one. If anyone disagrees with one of your methods of punishment, they can choose to not use the same method for their children.

  2. you are the best mom i know and i take note o what you do so i can use it with cailey later on. kyra is the most well behaved child let alone 3 year old ive ever seen and it is directly linked to how u have raised her you have done a great job so far and society will thank you later when she doesnt turn out to be a gangbanging thug like most kids these days

    ps i miss you guys

  3. Trust me, as a teacher, I would much rather have your parenting skills then those who don't care or like you said beat. Now that I am expecting my own, I realize I don't think i could ever actually spank him. Taking the bed away is ,to me, and EXCELLENT way of showing the importance of following rules and not jumping on the bed. Consequences should be related to the crime and spanking just teaches to hit more and be angry. I think you are doing a wonderful job!

  4. Spanking is a compleatly different thing then a beating, in my opinion. Kyra gets spankings. I even write about it on here from time to time. And, believe me, she knows better then to hit. But when it came to this punishment talking things through didn't help, time out's didn't help, threats of taking her bed away didn't help. So we stopped threatening and we took her bed away.

    And now, I'm sure I'll get more hate mail from someone telling me once again, how I abuse my children. But that's okay. Because it's my blog and I can delete it if I want to!

  5. I'm so glad you're not letting the haters get to you. Your girls are beautiful and happy and I think you're an awesome mom. And obviously your techniques work with Kyra, so keep doing what you're doing.

  6. I've been thinking about Randi and anonymous's criticisms, and they just don't jive with my experience. My parents spnked me, and took away my privileges when I misbehaved, and I never imagined that they were trying to dominate me or trying to win. Invariably (and I mean that) I knew that I had done something wrong, and I understood that my parents had a responsibility to punish me for that so I wouldn't do it again. I never saw it as a personal battle. I knew better. I think people who think that kids don't understand consistent and reasonable discipline underestimae kids. Hey, life has consequnces.