Thursday, September 05, 2013

Age Old Question:

Am I doing enough?

I remember, what seems so long ago, when Lydia was still a baby, I used to walk through my day, observing the unfolding of each and every new blog post that was my life.  Sometimes comical, sometimes frustrating, sometimes typical.  It was there, all laid before me to type, write and document most days of the week. 

Now I seem to find it harder and harder to write.  I take pictures on my cameras, intending to tell the story to compliment the snapshot later on that night.  And then it never gets done.  I intend to document all the crazy words that come out of Lydia's mouth.  And then it never gets written.  I intend to tell you all about Kyra starting dance class this week and her favorite thing was learning how to do Jazz Hands, or how Ruby thinks its HI-larious to get caught trying to climb something, swipe something, sneak somewhere she's not supposed to be only to squinch her nose and giggle incessantly, all with that twinkle in her eye that only draws me to swoop her up while simultaneously pretending to nibble parts of her neck and belly as a form of punishment.  And then it never gets told

I want to say what wonderful things we're doing on the homeschooling front, but all I can think is I'm not doing enough.  Lots of things I want to do and accomplish with the girls, though I never seem to get past the thought phase.  Maybe I'm asking too much of myself?  Maybe I'm not trying hard enough?

I find I want to sit down and sew, cross stitch and learn to knit or crochet with Kyra.  I've promised her sewing lessons for a while, fully intending to teach her the basic of the basic, since that's all I know, and watch her practice, invent and create her own works of art, far better than I could have ever dreamed.... and then the table is always aclutter.  Her cross stitch we started is somewhere, lost, for the time being, in the land of the forgotten.  I'm sure its sitting close to the hope of taking up a new yarning skill. 

I'd love to sit with Lydia and read all day.  That girl loves to read.  She also loves to play board games, card games, pretend games.  She's a lover of all things fun and togetherness.  She is a glue to this family, much like her father.  Lydia and Jeremy both force my loner tendencies to be a part of this family. Still, I want to make myself do more for her, with her.

Ruby has turned into a little tyrant.  A tiny dictator.  She tells me where to be and when.  Sometimes she's off in her own world, exploring and finding trouble the way only a toddler would, sometimes she's pulling at my skirt for attention, demanding I hold her just for the sake of holding her.  Its hard not to indulge.  She's working on perfecting the art of her tantrum; the slow, intentional set down of her forehead to the floor, butt still raised in the air.  She then manipulates herself on to her side, then her back, whining the whole time.  Then she uses her feet to slide herself up as her gaze catches my smiling face.  Honestly, how could anyone not think that tantrum is the cutest. thing. ever? 

Sweet Ruby is about the only one in this family I feel like I'm not cheating out of my full attention.  Probably because she's the most forceful in demanding everyone's attention. 

Someone sent me an article this spring or summer that read something like, "Having three children is found to be the most stressful number."  I don't know how much truth is behind that, but what I do know is three children is kicking my butt.  That fact, alone, baffles me since Ruby is such an easy kid... sans the current Tiny Tyrant phase we're in, right now. 

For Kyra's school work, I bought her a journal and told her I wanted her to try to write in it, every day.  Partly for a writing exercise to practice penmanship, partly as practice in writing out a complete thought.  Mostly, though, to give her the chance to start writing her life; give her something to look back on when she's old and gray.

Maybe I should try the same tactic, myself, in internet form.  Get myself back in the habit of documenting our days.  My thoughts.  My life.  It'll have to start next week, though.  We've got a busy weekend ahead of us that is to include a quick trip away. 

Until then, enjoy these pictures.  They were all taken a month or so ago, when Kyra and Lydia decided to dress Ruby up in a "Queen Costume!"  The pictures are all courtesy of my iPhone.  Another form of technology I suck at, sigh.  Still, its the memory that resonates when I look at those pictures, and that's what counts. 


  1. I remember you once admonishing me for spending too much time behind my camera, because I was experiencing my life too much through it's lens and not being fully present. Perhaps you're subconsciously now taking your own advice by stepping back from documenting every day? In the mean time, we've got to work on slowing down those girls' growth! Ruby CANNOT be a toddler already!!

    1. That's good food for thought. Quite insightful, actually....

      Though, your point that I need to slow those girls' growth is part of the reason I keep admonishing myself for not documenting enough! LoL! These pictures were taken over a month ago.... OVER A MONTH AGO! I wish I could at least make myself document in picture or post form once or twice a week!

      One day I'll find the right balance. Maybe. :)