Obsessing

My newest food obsession is Five Cheese Texas Toast.

Like, I'm so completely obsessed with it I might very well gnaw your arm off if you even attempt to stop me from eating three pieces for my dinner.

Somehow I highly doubt this is going to coincide very well with my get skinny for swimsuit season mission.

Craptastic

Kyra crapped in a public toilet twice today. On purpose.

If you all only knew the trouble we have when she has to poo and refuses to do so in a public restroom.

I'm hoping today isn't just a fluke...

A Non Sex Related Topic

Something I've learned about myself today: I do not have the ability to not snatch a kid by the collar and tell them how to behave in public.

That is yet another reason I might not want to be a teacher when I finish my collage degree.

More parents now a day seem to frown on strangers disciplining their children. Me? I was wishing today that one of the parents closer then I would have swatted Kyra's bottom and told her she is not to climb up a slide, especially when children are waiting to use it properly.

Sadly, most people can control themselves better then I can because I, at the beach today, gave the older boy wanting to jump off the top of the ladder (in front of the toddlers patiently waiting to climb up) a stern warning that he needed to get down so the other children can climb up and he had better not jump off. After sizing me up for a second, I think he decided I was serious and wisely walked down.

Lets Talk Condoms

Kyra picked up her first condom today.

At the beach.

It had been used.

I know, the act of sex on the beach is absolutely disgusting, the drink, however, is really yummy. But, really, who wants sand all in their personal cracks and crevices?

No I didn't take a picture. Your welcome.

Although I probably would have taken a picture of the condom laying in the sand if I had the ability. Because I'm gross and snicker at dirty humor like that. I had my camera, just not my memory card.

Don't Drink the Water

First it was the ducks at the zoo in February.


Then it was the horseshoe crabs in March.

And just today, the 4th Tuesday in April, the frogs have jumped on the mating bandwagon.


There is something in the water making the wildlife all kinds of frisky.

And I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.

I mean, crap, they keep poking and prodding each other in the brightness of the daylight for all to see, including my sweet and innocent toddler who thought the froggies were sleeping.

Poor things, just trying to spread the love and all Kyra can do is yell at them "Froggy! Wake up!"

But that's okay, I'd rather her think they're sleeping then have to start explaining the birds and the bees. I'm just not ready for that conversation yet.

Curbing Hunger

I've been paying closer attention to what Jer and I are consuming lately because my "fat" jeans are starting to get tight and Jer's 36" waist is, well, still 36 inches but his tire just above the waist has seemed to inflate all by itself in the last 6 months.

Our latest trend for the whole healthier eating habits have been peanuts. They say peanuts help curb your hunger.
I beg to differ.

I Blame Hormones

I'm beginning to wonder if the Terrible 2s might have something to do with hormones.

Kyra is a happy go lucky, sweet as cherry pie toddler one minute, charming her way through life and the next minute she's shouting, whining and releasing whatever frustration she can in a loud, snappy manner.

When I'm PMSing, I'm happy go lucky, sweet as cherry pie woman one minute, sarcastically sliding my way through life and the next minute my words will slice someone in two with a bad attitude in a loud, snappy manner.

Hormones, I tell ya. It's a bitch.

My Idea of Eating Healthy

Homemade, baby.

Well, maybe the whip cream isn't homemade. Or the cake. But the strawberries were sliced and smushed by me, in my kitchen. And I was the one who added more sugar then necessary to the sliced and smushed strawberries. So that makes it homemade, right? And totally healthy.

The Beauty That Is My Life

Some days are hard. She cries. I cry. I get snappy. He starts to yell. We all need a nap.

Other days are easy. Daddy is her jungle gym. Mommy is to heal all boo-boos. Everyone is happy.

I can't help but wonder how it is I became so lucky in life. College put on hold to marry the boy I couldn't live without. Two Chihuahuas as a wedding present from your love that grow to be 45 pounds. Living in 4 states and 5 houses in nearly 5 years of marriage. One accidental Oops! that turns out to be the cutest damn little girl ever. And still, I can straddle the lap of my Love and make out like we are still dating.

Life is beautiful.

Especially late at night and everyone is sleeping and I can watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians- uninterrupted. Beautiful.

Dear Terrible 2s,

Why hello there! Good to see ya!

Where have you been the last 7 months? I have anxiously awaited your arrival. I've been telling anyone who asks that No, in fact, Kyra has not hit the Terrible 2s, but I'm sure its coming around the corner.

Boy howdy, you did not disappoint. As of yesterday's melt down when her father dared to brush Kyra's teeth you had officially arrived. I thought she was just tired and Jer wasn't handling her right when I found him carrying her like a football, kicking and screaming, to her bedroom.

Apparently, that was the first of many meltdowns to come. This morning alone I have witnessed Kyra's meltdown over the ending of Curious George, the suggestion that she put her own panties on, and the whole "Wait just a minute, Mommy will get your milk after I take the puppies outside."

None of these meltdowns occurred because she was either tired, starving to death or Mommy and Daddy decided just for fun to throw a new monkey wrench into the day's usual routine. This is how I knew it was you, Terrible 2s.

Lets get one thing strait, I fully expected you to be here, oh, I don't know, 7 or so months ago. Just because you decided to show up late to this game, I still fully expect you to leave on time. Go ahead, plant roots, reek havoc for the next 5 months. When the child turns 3 I want my sweet as sugar baby back. Okay? Good. Glad to see we're on the same page.

Sincerely,
Slave to the Mommy Trade

The First Six Months

My longest running BFF asked me to post some pictures of Kyra when she was wittle-itty-bitty and because I'm a doting mother and think my kid was just the cutest thing to ever grace this world, how could I not oblige?

I've mentioned it before, but Kyra never slept as a baby for more then a quick, pick me up, cat nap. This was one of them. She was a week old here.

Her first Halloween at one month.
First Thanksgiving at two months. I have many pictures of her cat napping with things over her head. It was her thing and I thought it was just so damned cute.
First Christmas at three months. No she did not suck her thumb, she chewed on it. To this day she still curls her thumb in her mouth and chews on it.

At four months and the little terror started scooting. Backwards, always backwards.
Five months? The little shit started to pull up. She still didn't crawl in a forward motion but she could stand with very little support.
Six months. She is just so damned cute I could eat her. She was stock full of personality. Even then she was a little sassy pants. I think she was trying to convey the message "Hey, why the hell do you keep taking pictures of me in the bath? Can a girl get some privacy?"
Ah, I miss those days. Anyone want to offer me their newborn so I can do it all over again?

Now I'm a Believer

I've heard the voice. I shit you not, I heard it with my own ears.

Kyra went down for bed at 7. Jer went to clean the bathroom at 7:20. At 7:40 I heard what I thought to be Kyra mumbling something unintelligible. I have no idea what was said, or to who, but it was a girl mumbling. It struck me as odd because I hadn't heard Kyra yapping to her dolls tonight. Jer came into the living room a few minutes later and made a comment about how it didn't take long for Kyra to go down. Confused, I said "She's asleep?" he said she was asleep before he started on the bathroom.

Maybe my MIL isn't quite as crazy as I thought.

I Have Dermaids Please?

Since taking Kyra for the second time to Weeki Wachee Springs to see the real live mermaids, my little girl has seemed to fall head over heels in love with the half fish, half naked women. Also known as Dermaids which is Kyra's super cute pronunciation.

We are now the proud owners of both The Little Mermaid Movie and a 3 foot, 30 piece puzzle that Kyra is absolutely crazy about. She watched the movie in it's entirety without a single peep escaping her lips- a feat never before accomplished. And the puzzle, we've assembled it 409,735 times already and she only opened the box for the fist time at 6:30 last night.

She's never been this thrilled about any character/object before. I'm thinking of buying stock in all things Mermaid to help feed her addiction.

Better Late Then Never