Ring Around the Roses

If you can faintly hear Kyra mumbling something, she's repeating "ring round rose". Her favorite part, obviously, is the falling down.

Education- Denied

I'm quite discouraged. I went to the local college to sign up for a last minute class that had one opening left only to be told I don't qualify because Anatomy and Physiology with a Lab needs a prerequisite of a Biology.

I have had a biology class, 7 years ago when I was fresh out of high school. What I didn't have is a Biology with Lab, which apparently is required but not stated anywhere in the "sign me up for this" book of available courses.

Don't they know I was there, with money in hand? All they had to say is "Sure, we'll gladly take your money in exchange of having you enhance your education!"

Sadly, no. I still have my wad of money and will not be enhancing my education for another few semesters.

Damn colleges and their trickery.

Wonder what I could spend that wad of money? A shiny new car, maybe? Any suggestions of what kind of car?

Our Trip to the Dealership

Wanna know what's fun? Driving around a shiny new '08 Chevy Impala that I'm not paying for is fun.

In fact, it's so much fun, it's got me thinking that maybe I should go out and buy myself a shiny new '08 something-er-other. Think Jeremy might get angry if he comes home from deployment we have not one vehicle, but two?

Oh, and I get to drive the shiny new '08 Chevy Impala until they fix my gas guzzling SUV. A simple one hour job (at the most) has turned into, We're sorry Mrs. Lady Whose Kid is Becoming Incredibly Antsy and Has That Look of Destruction in Her Eyes Because She Has Been Trapped in a Dealership Waiting Area for 2 Hours and Rachel Ray on the TV Isn't Doing It For Her, we don't currently have a door handle in stock so rather then putting the door back together we're going to rent a car for you because we feel bad that we're lazy and you only have this one vehicle and your husband is on deployment and you have steam coming from your ears.

They humorous part of all this is the Ford dealership is currently renting me a Chevy. Ha!

Nap Time Question

Is 23 months of age too early to give up a nap entirely?

Kyra has not wanted to take a nap for a solid week and a half. I have made her lay in bed for up to 3 hours before she finally falls asleep.

I don't believe she's ready to give up a nap because on no-nap days she is an absolute bear by the time supper rolls around (promptly at or before 5). But this whole fighting her for 2 and 3 hours to take a nap is killing me.

I'm drowning here.

I think she needs a nap. Hell, I need her to take a nap. That is MY 2 hours a day of piece and quiet, to stroll outside in my rocking chair and read my book in the easy New England afternoon breeze.

She was a no nap infant who didn't embrace the power of sleeping while the sun was up until she was nearly 1. Now that she's nearly 2, we're having the same technical difficulties.

Got advice? Anyone? What about your Mama, does she have anything?

I miss my books.

End of An Era

The scene: evening shower, mom and daughter, toy ducky and submarine floating in bottom of tub

The mood: light, playful

What was said and done:
Kyra: Mummy pee-pee wash (attempting to wash "the area")
Mommy: Yes baby. Mommy will wash it though. (turns the opposite direction)
Kyra: Mummy boo-boo. Kisses. *muah* (kisses Mommy's hinny)
Mommy: What are you doing?!
Kyra: Doin? (big grin)
Mommy: Baby, those are stretch marks, not boo-boos. (scarred for life- and not by stretch marks alone)

Lesson Learned: the era of Mommy/Kyra showers have come to an abrupt end

How to Make a Broke Camera Work

Step 1- Fiddle with it yourself. Push the power button multiple times over a series of 2 days while also jiggling, shaking and banging said camera on the counter.

Step 2- Give it to toddler as a play toy. Toddler with eventually drop said camera.

Step 3- Toddler brings camera to you just before going to bed. Camera has been restored to full working order.

*************

Kyra's Baby has been a constant in her arms for the last 3 days now. She attempted to ride her tricycle with baby to the park. She apparently forgot she still hasn't mastered the foot pedals yet, much less holding on with no hands.

We left without the bike. Notice the choke hold Kyra has on Baby?

Always a sign of a good mother.

This is Kyra's new trick. She thinks she's a monkey.

While performing her new trick, she frequently stepped on Baby's head.

A good mother indeed.

Poor Baby.

Entertain Us

1) I've been thoroughly enjoying the song Rockstar by Nickelback since I first heard it. I have no idea why, just seems to be a catchy tune that sticks in my head. Yesterday I saw the video for the first time and now I'm obsessed. Maybe it's all the cameo appearances, maybe it's still the catchy tune. Either way, I'm loving it right now and so is Kyra. If I had Joelle here to record it, I'd post a video for you guys to see. She has a few new dance skills.

2) Did you see Hef's Girlfriends in the video? My mom has me addicted to watching thier TV show "The Girls Next Door". My mom is cool like that.

3) I've been a nice mommy. (my mom says Jer and I are mean because we don't let Kyra watch TV all that often) We've been watching "Clifford's Puppy Days" every morning in my bed for the past week as I hope to get an extra half hour of shut eye.

You see, Kyra has started waking up at the ass-crack of dawn again. While in the Sunshine State I became quite used to her sleeping in until 8. Now, I'm extremely lucky to find my eyes still shut at 6:40. I tried to be on top of these early risings last night and went to bed at 11. My body on the other hand decided to toss and turn until sometime after midnight.

Any advice on how to fix this? Either my going to sleep earlier or Kyra waking up later? It's not that I don't like Clifford, its just that I still don't get an extra half hour of sleep because when Clifford barks Kyra does too or if there is another animal she knows on the show, like today there was a lion, she insistently forces my face toward the screen saying "Lion Mama. See? Lion! Rawwww!"

4) I'm thinking of enrolling Kyra into 4 activities this fall. Three of them are one day a week and the fourth is two days a week. They are all 45 minutes long. Do you think we're taking on too much? I'll even list and describe them for you:
~Level 1 Swim Class- this is the one On Base that I talked about and the only one that's 2 days a week
~Fun with Rhythm and Music- from the description they "reach, jump, wiggle and glide.... exploring dance movements"
~Tumbling Tots- focuses on motor skills and socialization (I'm curious to know where the tumbling is)
~Baby & Me- swim class "using activities and songs" (the city we reside in runs this class and doesn't allow children under 3 to enter any of the level classes)

5) Kyra is thrilled when the mowers come around once a week to maintain the grass. Don't tell Jeremy, but I think she's crushing on a few of them.

Are You Sick of Seeing Kyra Yet?

Good. I think you're going to get a break for a bit. I think Kyra broke my digital camera yesterday. Do you think she's tired of me taking pictures of her sleeping?Or maybe she's done posing for stupid pictures with messages?
Or maybe she's not fond of my archiving photos of her making funny faces?

Regardless, I'm pretty sure my digital camera is broken and unless I can get Kyra to drop it the same way again to fix it, I think need a new one. I have this one, but I'm not always fond of it. The lag time of pushing the button and it actually taking the picture sucks something awful. For Mother's Day my sister and I got my mom this camera, which is awesome, but I don't have that kind of money at the moment.

I need something that is simple to use, as I am a technological idiot, something that will resist a toddler's little hands dropping it as well as a husband who likes to make electronics go awry.

Now I need your advice and impute. What kind of camera(s) do you guys use and what are your likes and dislikes about it.

BIG NEWS!

Lets hope I don't jinx this for myself...

For 3 consecutive days, Kyra has taken a nap on my couch- wearing her panties. For 3 consecutive days we have had not one accident while sleeping on the couch- wearing her panties.

For 2 nonconsecutive nights now, Kyra has woken up in the morning with a dry diaper.

Now it's Ronald's turn to wear the panties.

In other news, it's fricken freezing here today. All windows and doors are shut and the heater has been turned on. I want my comfortably warm New England summer back... to hell with winter being this early!

More Proof that My Child Is Weird

Can you spot the toddler in this picture? I'll give you a hint, she's not stuffed with fluff. What about now?This is Kyra showing G'Affe how to use the potty. First, however, she must safely secure his wheels back to his feet.And then she had to let G'Affe do his thing because, you know, I'm sure he really had to go.
Finally, what (nearly) 2 year old would read the Sunday paperand search for coupons?My kid is strange... and I'm sure it's from her father's side of the gene pool.

Mission: Identify The Mystery Substance

***Now with the story behind the picture***

I'll send a box full of brownies to the first person who can correctly tell me what baby product Kyra has gotten into while supposed to be taking an afternoon nap. I'll give you some hints: it's white (obviously), flaky when dried, and she was covered from head to toe in it. (Had I though of it a few minutes earlier I would have taken a picture of her covered head to toe instead of just her face in the bathtub)

I put Kyra down for a nap after her lunch, same as I do every day. Kyra plays in her bed, gets up, comes down stairs, gets hollered at, climbs back in bed to play some more. Normally, this playing process lasts anywhere from 10 minutes to nearly an hour before she falls asleep.

After 15 minutes or so quiet filters down the stairs and all signs of life cease. Good. Mama has a new book she's aching to start. My new thing, since it has be incredibly gorgeous weather here in New England, is to sit on the front porch in my rocker and read, peacefully.

Phone rings, I dash inside to grab it before it wakes her up. Walk quietly back outside to talk.

Me: Hello?
Caller: Hey, what are you doing?
Me: Nothing much. Kyra just went down for a nap.
Caller: Oh, I didn't wake her up did I?
Me: No, I don't think so. Even still, if she does wake up all the windows are open and she'll just start crying to let me know.

Start crying, HA! I just had to jinx myself.

Just as quiet as could be she, apparently, climbed to the top of her changing table, found her liquid baby powder and commenced to rubbing it over her entire body. Kyra was covered, the cloth over the changing pad was covered and a large spot on the floor.

30 minutes later while still chatting on the phone Kyra comes to the screen door. "Hi Mummy!" she says just as happy and cheery as she could be. I go in to get her, she's got a clean spoon in her hand and is covered from head to toe in a white, flaky substance.

Great, she's gotten into something in the kitchen. What could she get into, there's nothing at her level...

Kitchen is clear.

Kyra, can you show Mommy where you got dirty?

I'm led upstairs to her room, to her changing table, where everything is covered in the same flaky, white substance.

Today, the spot on the floor is now clean. The cloth on the pad has been washed. The table itself, now in the garage- still dirty.

Kyra? Is now taking naps downstairs on the couch.

**Lisa had the closest answer with "baby powder." Congratulations! Email me your address and a box full of brownies will be heading your direction!

Better Late Then Never

Jennifer asked, quite some time ago, to see some pictures of my Granma's place I gushed so much about here and here. It's been a while, but my computer is finally working like it's supposed to (as it apparently was never completely fixed), so here is the photographic evidence that Granma's house is great and she needs to leave it to me in her will. (Hi Granma, love you!)

This is the view from the bottom of the drive way.

This is the pond with the huge fishies that just keep multiplying.

These are palm frauns. These are what we use to roast marshmallows and hot dogs over a fire with. Use a pocket knife to shave off the sharp edges and leaves, they work much, much, better then clothes hangers.

These are the lovely doves that have been kickin' it in the glorious Sunshine State for, well, years. I don't remember them not being around.

This is just some random wild flower growing in that yard that I thought was just beautiful and perfect... much like Florida.

Finally, we have my happy little munchkin. She posed all by herself between these branches... she's a ham.

To Swim Or Not To Swim. That Is the Question.

Today was our last day of swim class for this session. Kyra has the option of passing from Parent/Child to Level 1, if I think she's mature enough to handle it. The swim instructor's only concern is that Kyra's not all the excited to be without her mommy and in the Level classes, no parents allowed pool side.

The pro's:
-Kyra gets a great boost in this whole swimming process, which I'm all about. The earlier she learns to swim the better. That's one less thing I have to worry over when she's around the water.
-We've had this same swim instructor since Kyra was 7 months old. I've grown to trust her when she takes my child from my hands to teach her a new skill.
-I don't have to hop into that freezing cold "heated" pool.

The con's:
-I have to leave my little baby's life in someone else's hands and I'm not allowed to supervise.
-I don't get to be the first person to see her learn a new skill. It won't be me to cheer her on the first time she learns to doggie paddle to keep her head above water.
-Kyra's still screaming bloody murder when I leave her with anyone other then my good friend. (Hi, Joelle! Hurry up and come home!)

So what do you guys think? Should I move her up the next go around or keep her in the parent/child class? Am I being the big baby when hesitating to move her up or am I justified by her hysterical screaming fits every time I leave the room?

Now, your turn... tell me your opinions. Go!

Anorexic Eating = Jiggy Thighs

Surprisingly, I truly enjoy going to the gym. Kyra, on the other hand, hates it. Today was day 5. Kyra started screaming and crying as we drove into the parking lot! I am not kidding you. The scream fit lasted 15 more minutes after I ran (no joke) out of the nursery with her running after me screaming "MUUM-MEEE!" as she stands trapped behind a baby gate.

I know, I am so going to win that mother of the year award this time around.

Today I saw my "personal trainer". Wanna know what she does? She fills a form out to calculate my average daily calorie intake. According to her I take in an average of 1500-2000 calories a day while I'm supposed to take in 2000-2500 per day. (all right! I'm anorexic in her book!) What am I supposed to eat? More protein, less carbs. Um, hello? I am not all that fond of protein carrying foods and the boiled eggs she told me to eat, ya, not allowed to smother them in salt. Those carbs I was told to avoid, that cuts out half my diet. Somehow I think this is only going to dig my anorexic hole even deeper.

Next she took my measurement in inches. I have no idea what they were. I saw them, but numbers don't mean a whole lot to me when I didn't have anything to compare them to.

Finally she started pinching my fat with some kind of torture device to tell me just what a lard ass I am. Turns out I'm not all that bad. My "goal" is to be 25% body fat. I'm currently sitting at 30%.

Hey hey hey... I'm not such a Fatty MaGee after all!

What I don't understand is if I'm not eating enough (according to "the expert") how in the world did I get a layer of blubber surrounding my smoking hot body? My theory is moving from the hotter then haties south to the frozen tundra of the north. It was obviously my body's way of protecting itself.

Of course it couldn't have had anything to do with me sitting around eating Swiss Rolls and drinking sweet tea, Kool Aide or soda.

The absolutly fabulous news she gave me though... I have a tiny frame and will probably be this thin the rest of my life. Hell, ya. I love my ancestors for giving me such fabulous genes!

Kangaroo Jumping and Giraffes Going Pee Pee in the Potty

Kyra has mastered the jump. Both feet now come off the ground. She also thinks it is great fun to occasionally, in the middle of her 2 inch leap of faith, to bend at the waist and fall on her bum. I think it would hurt dearly if I tried it, but I'm thinking she must have a different technique then I do because she laughs hysterically before getting up to do it again. She has turned herself into a regular jumping kangaroo, bouncing around my house 2 inches at a time, from her feet to her tail and back up again.

Along with having a Kangaroo around my house, I have also acquired a potty training Giraffe. Kyra has taken her pull toy (also known as G'aff) and started to teach it pee pee in the potty. Don't worry, G'aff isn't alone, Al Ga-or (our resident alligator whose back is a xylophone) and Al Ga-or (our alphabet spouting caterpillar with the same name) have all started potty training as well. Kyra takes each one, several times a day, and holds them over the potty while instructing them how to, uh, pee pee in the potty. She also tells them that they must wipe, flush and wash their hands. Freaking adorable, people.

He's So Busted

I'll set up a little scenario for you.

Say you're poking around on your husband's old laptop and find his, uh, "stash" of lovely ladies. Now I'm well aware that this particular husband is not blind and, thus, can clearly see a pretty woman other then his wife coming his direction. There was no one naked. The ladies were celebrities, scantly clad, in sexy poses, and all. blond. while his wife is not a cleebrity, tends to dress like a jeans and t-shirt mommy, who's sexiest pose consists of bending over to pick up his dirty laundry and, oh ya, a dark brunette.

If you were this husband's wife would you (a) continue to go to the gym and work on making yourself a hott little trophy wife and make your husband look damn lucky every time he takes you out or (b) quit working on your ass and just dye your hair platinum blond?

Just Over A Week and I'd Call Her Trained- For the Most Part

Just to rub it in that my child is spectacular, Kyra went yet another all day in panties today. Well, most of the day, nap time and bed times don't count.

While she did have 2 accidents, both were my fault.

The first was this morning after our swim class. I didn't bother to send her to the potty before we left thinking she had probably pee'd in the pool anyway. Guess not. Once we stopped at the door of our vehicle she said "Pee pee, Mommy" then let loose. Next time I'll know better.

The second time was tonight. I decided it would be nice to take an hour long walk with her in panties. She made it 45 minutes.

Potty training has been no more difficult then anything else she's had to learn how to do (going from bottle to sippy, from sippy to cup, fingers to fork). I'm going around getting gape mouthed looks from most people upon finding out that she's already in panties and not soiling them.

How is it I've been blessed with such and easy child? Sure, she has her moments, but what child doesn't. Kyra, however, is one of the easiest children--ever.

**and to my mother who told me while pregnant and emotional that she hoped I'd have a child twice as horrible as I was growing up... Damn, woman, I must have been a cake walk!

And We're Back to My Drug of Choice

Kyra has acquired 3 new pairs of shoes today. Yes, yes, I hear you... doesn't she have more then enough shoes already? The answer was yes. I was all done buying her shoes for a while. She had all that she needed to get her through the summer and early fall, when I expected her feet to grow again. You see, she was in size 5 for 7 months and I expected the 6's to last closer to 6 months, not 4.

Last night, an acquaintance of mine commented to Kyra that her shoes were pretty... then looked at me and said they look like they're getting a bit small. I shrugged it off. No, no, I say. She just has on thick socks and they're bunching is all. To which, yes, she did have on thick socks and yes, they were bunched since in a rush to get out of the house I just shoved her foot in the shoe.

None the less, I took her today to get her feet sized... she's a 6 1/2. Her shoes are a 6. What other excuse do I have then to buy her some more shoes?

She had one pair, the Mary Jane's I was so proud of finding at a great price. So today we found 1 pair of tennis shoes, 1 black dress shoe and 1 white dress shoe (can't find a link to these). Really, it's all she needs for the upcoming fall and winter (granted they even last that long). Not like it's summer and not only does she need all those shoes plus sandals and flip flops.

For those of you keeping count, Kyra's starting over with 4 pair of shoes. So far.

Puddles and Logs

I'm tired of cleaning up puddles and logs off off the floor. Who do you think the guilty culprit(s) has been lately? I'll give you a hint, they've been potty trained for many years now.

Note To Self

Just because Kyra can make it though 1 hour of church with out soiling her panties doesn't mean its a good idea to take her to a 4 hour birthday party with her panties on. Her thighs are not big enough to make a seal with the leg holes and she will poop on the host's floor.

Who Out There Can Cut A Strait Line?

I hate getting my hair cut... it suck... because here in New England there isn't a soul who can cut a fucking strait line.

I dared to get it done again. How hard is it to follow these instructions: 1) cut 1 inch off the back. 2) cut the front to frame my face.

Wanna guess how many of these instructions she got right this time? If you guess cutting the back, then you get and A!

The whole framing my face is what we did not accomplish today. Instead of framing my face, it now tappers to the back, the depth of my head. It starts at my jaw, ends at my shoulders and it's hideous. HID-E-OUS!

I think the only requirements to pass the hair cutting part of the exam is to properly hold a pair of scissors, give me a few days, Kyra's gonna have her first job in no time!

Until then, I think I'm doing pony tails for the next 8 weeks.

Poo Poo In the Pot-tay

Yes folks, its that time again. Potty Training, take 2!

Monday I had a luncheon with some lovely ladies who suggested that I let Kyra run around naked for a few days. I didn't quite understand how that makes her pee-pee in the potty, but I was willing to give it a try.

Tuesday, Run Naked Day 1- I take her to the potty every 15 minutes, not one accident. Granted she held her poo until I put a diaper on her for nap time, but none the less, I didn't have to clean up the floor once.

Wednesday, Run Naked Day 2- Good gosh, I can't believe this is working 2 days in a row!

Thursday, Run Naked Day 3- This is working so well that I decided to put panties on her after supper. Trouble hits, I'm cleaning puddles up off the floor. Its good thing I have hard wood.

Friday, No More Naked Baby Syndrome- Panties go on shortly after breakfast, the puddles begin.  We change her panties.  This goes on through 4 more pair of under-roo's, and then it clicks! The remainder of the day is spent in the same pair of drawers! Yea!

The most exciting part of the day is that not only is Kyra taking herself to the potty, but on one of these occations she poo'd in the potty! We clapped, yea'd and made a great big deal out of it. And just because I thought she needed to make it a little more special, we called my mom so Kyra could tell "Ga" what she did. After the phone call Kyra was so proud of her self every time she went to the potty she wanted to call "Ga".

This potty training is turning out much simpler than I thought, or maybe I've been really lucky on this one too. Hopefully I'm not jinxing the whole process...

10 Random Things- The Exercise Edition

The rules in this game of tag are simple -- once you have been tagged, you must write a blog with ten weird, random things, little known facts or habits about yourself. At the end choose at least 10 people to be tagged, list their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you've been tagged' and tell them to read your latest blog.

I was tagged for this particular meme over on MySpace several days ago and I'm just now getting around to doing it because, well, I couldn't think of anything to write about, until now.

10 random things about myself that all of you may not know:
1) I was a cheerleader from the ages of 6-18. Cheering was my life. Because of this, I was an in shape kind of girl with a killer little cheerleader ass, er, that's how one of my boyfriends described it at the time.

2) I lifted weights competitively for about 6 months in high school. I probably would have kept it up except that I was invited to my first competition on a Saturday morning and slept in late. I missed it and in my insecure mind I was so embarrassed to talk to my coach and fearing he'd say I disappointed him (which was completely crazy) that I never returned to lifting competitively again.

3) After high school I left home to go away to college. I didn't have a car so my mode of transportation was either the city bus system or my own two feet. More often then not, I skated anywhere and everywhere I needed to be. I averaged it out a few years ago and found I skated 15-20 miles a day. Along with my killer ass, I had a wash board stomach and fantastic legs.

4) I got my first car in late 2001, all modes of exercising was out the window. I have always exercised through activities not for the sake of "exercising". Jumping jacks are not my forte, neither is running down the block or doing crunches.

5) I have some awesome genes because I eat the worst food ever and I'm quite surprised I haven't lost any teeth with all the sweets I eat. (see post below) I have never been overweight. Even after I had Kyra and was certain the doctors forgot to remover Kyra's other siblings out of my ass and thighs, I had no problem loosing the weight while still not exercising. Seriously, I know, I'm freaking lucky.

6) Even though I still wear the same size and weigh the same amount I did in high school, my butt has drooped several inches and my thighs now jiggle when I walk. I know, I'm hot.

7) I signed up for the gym yesterday, with no help form the rest of you... well, except for Jennifer who first scolded me on my eating habits then told me to go to the gym. Thanks, Jennifer!

8) I think whoever invented the elliptical machine should be shot. Good gosh did my legs hurt. I thought I was going to die after 10 minutes. Lucky for me, just at that moment, I could hear Kyra screaming at the top of her lungs "Mumma!!!" Even from the nursery she apparently knew I needed a break.

9) I love the treadmill. If I need to run, I run. If I feel like walking for the next hour, I walk. And, best of all, I wasn't dieing after 10 minutes. Oh, and the old lady next to me was reading a book as she walked. I think I may need to try that next time.

10) One of my goals is to get back in shape, to get my perky rear back, make my legs jiggle less and have this done before the boat comes home. Another is to have an activity for me. And most of all, I want to be so freaking hot when Jeremy sees me on the pier he's going to want me then and there... and not because he hasn't got any in several months.

Now, the task of tagging people... since I was tagged on MySpace, I will in turn tag some of my "peeps" over there as well as some bloggers. Heather, Lindsey, CJ, Erin, Jennifer, Erica, Joelle, Lisa, Melinda, and Erica (myspace).

Finally I pose some questions to you. Do you exercise? If yes, how do you exercise? And, what is your motivation for exercising?