"He's the Man"

Ladies,

I suggest you take a potty brake before watching this. You might very well laugh so hard you'll pee your pants.

Your Welcome.

To Change or Not to Change- What'da Ya Think?

It's not unusual for me to find a rogue grey hair in my head once in a while. I'll pull it out and be on my merry way, waiting 6 more months before another one that decides to try taking up residence again. But today was different. I found 4 rogue hairs. One after the other. Black patch, white hair, black patch, white hair, black, white, black, white. You get the idea. So I didn't pull it this time. I decided I'd get even. (Even though you can't see the grey thanks to the flash, I swear they're in this very spot.)


With some of my birthday money (thanks Granma!) I hopped right out to the store and picked myself up a box of this:

And I asked Jeremy if he'd help me put a halt on those pesky greys. Here's the before (please excuse the rotten appearance of my hair as it had been in a pony tail all day):

The during:


And the after:

What'cha think? Not much difference, I'm aware. Thank you Captain Obvious. My hair is dark brown to begin with but I added a touch of "gold" which in turn with my natural red high lights is a pretty, oh, I don't know- goldish/red tented, but mostly a dark brown with a hint of red when the light shines on it. And most importantly- no grey to be found.

Make sense? No? Eh, that's okay. Its a terrible explanation.

Anyway, so then I've been thinking, I still have a nice bit of birthday money from my mom (thanks Mommy!) and wanted to spend it on a good hair cut. Not like Fantastic Sam's offers for $14.99 but go to one of those good, costly, salons that you can bring in some random celebrity picture and they make your hair look so fucking fabulous you could kiss your hairdresser.

The problem is, I can't decide if I want to lop my hair off or keep it long. So tell me what you think. Here's today:

I was either torn with doing something like this:

Long layers, framing the face, easy to style and manage. Same thing I've had most of my life just a little more umph to it. You know, kinda like it's done me quite well for this long why change it too much.

Or, I have the urge to lop it all off and be done with the longness with something like this:

Cute, fresh, sassy and completely different from anything I've ever had. With this, I'm afraid once I chop it that short I'm going to hate it and cry and do the whole dramatic dropping to the knees, hands to the heavens, tears streaming down, screams of "Why? Why God, why did I do this?"

What do you think- subtle and long, dramatic and short or leave it alone I'm already one sexy bitch and why mess up a good thing? Be honest. Even brutal if you think I look terrible and could, without a doubt, use some professional help because, hey, what are friends (and relative strangers) for?

365 Days and Counting

It has only been 2 days since we celebrated our Christmas and I already miss the excitement leading up to it. I'm looking back and remembering all the fun and exciting things like we're at some kind of memorial service looking back on both the good and the bad.

The good:
-The first thing Kyra said when asked "Do you know who came last night" was "Santa Cause!" with no prompting or coaching.
-Kyra opened each and every one of her presents with pure excitement, inspected the present, then tossed them aside if it wasn't a book. If it was a book she had to flip through every single page and "read" it before she was ready to open the next gift. (Also! She received over 20 books!)
-When Kyra opened the big black garbage bag full of hand me down baby dolls and accessories (thanks Karissa!!!) she forgot all about the books and proceeded to play for hours (freaking hours!) with her babies in her bedroom.

The bad:
-I haven't taken a picture in 3 days! (what the hell is wrong with me?)
-Kyra woke up promptly at 6AM the morning we opened presents. What was up with that? I thought that kind or anticipation wasn't supposed to come for several more years.
-Kyra now trashes her room while playing with her baby dolls for hours on end. But that's not the worst of it... While trashing her room she is no longer in need of Mommy or Daddy's attention and we are now Chop Suey in comparison to her new babies, high chairs, strollers, carriers and other accompanying accessories.

Ugh, only 365 more days until next Christmas, so much to do in so little time.

And I can't wait!

Wonderful Christmas Regrets

Christmas was wonderful. In fact, it was so wonderful that I was all caught up in watching my baby tear into the Christmas paper and admire her new book or what have you that I forgot to take a picture.

That's right. I didn't take a single damned picture of our Christmas celebration. I'm an idiot.

I even charged the digital camera's battery overnight and strung a new roll of film in the 35mm, but in the midst of all the excitement I didn't take one snapshot.

At least we put the video camera on the tripod and captured the event of opening presents. Past that, I've got nothing to show the rest of you... or Kyra when she gets older.

I'm a bad Mommy, aren't I?

Icing On the Cookie

Jeremy has to work on Christmas day so we've arranged it with Santa to come a day early. In preparation for his arrival we had to do some prep work to leave he and his reindeer with a parting gift.

Our master chef and her apprentice.

Before we added the flour, Kyra tested out the consistency.

A master chef admiring her handy work.

The final product, all ready for the taking. Hope Santa and his reindeer enjoy the yummy treats baked just for them.

Merry Christmas to all and to all- hope you get just what you wanted out of this wonderful holiday!

Spoon Full Of Sugar

Its 10 till 10, and Kyra is quietly laying on the couch watching Mary Poppins.

I love that movie. It is, without a doubt, one of my top favorite movies from childhood and I'm thrilled Kyra has had the chance to stay up long past her bed time to enjoy it with me.

What are some of your favorite childhood movies?

Kyra's 1st Santa Experience

You'd assume that by looking at this picture that Kyra was all about sitting on the Jolly Elf's lap...

But no. To get this lovely picture Kyra's arms had to be pried from my neck with her screaming at me "No! No Mama! Keyda All Done! Keyda Get Down!"

Apparently when a stranger yells in Kyra's general direction to "Say cheese," that's all it takes before she sits up strait, puts her hands in her lap and smiles beautifully.

Then she was done. There was no more fun to be had until she left Santa's perimeters area. After that she wanted to stand at the rope and wave to Santa and repeat "Ho ho ho, Merry Kiss Miss!"

What You Really Learn At Swim Class

Things I learned today at Kyra's last Level 1 swim lesson.

1) Most of New England digs, shovels and plows their way out of a snow storm, except for our local toxic crap hole who will gladly plow the road ways and sidewalks but the parking lots are out of the question. You'd think by now I'd be used to the Navy's shortcomings.


2) Kyra can tread water fairly well when she has these blue "bubbles" attached to her back.

3) Even though she can tread water without a noodle, she'd rather have one anyway.


4) The constant "tongue out" technique not only helps with the whole learning to swim process, it is also super cute!

Tell Me You Wouldn't Die With Laughter

Jeremy and Kyra were shopping together for my Christmas present when this conversation happened:

Cashier to Kyra: Is this [present] for you?
Jeremy speaking for Kyra: No, she picked this out for her mommy.
Kyra to Cashier: I need help finding my mommy.
Cashier: Where's your mommy?
Jeremy: We're going to find her in a minute, Baby. Mommy is upstairs shopping.
Kyra: I need to find my mom-meee!

Jeremy's now afraid to take Kyra out with him for fear he'll be arrested for kidnapping.

****************************

Jeremy and Kyra have been watching ABC Family Channel's Christmas movies since they started showing each night several weeks ago.

After finishing tonight's showing of some random Rudolf knock off, Jeremy informed Kyra that tomorrow night Dr. Seuss' The Lorax was playing. For the next several minutes Kyra gleefully announced "Ooh, the Lor Ass! The Lor Ass, Mommy! Daddy and Keyda waas the Lor Ass a marrow on the TV!"

God Hates Me

Upon waking up for Church this morning and finding 2 more inches of an icy/snow mixture on the ground I was certain services would be cancelled because that's approximately 4 inches of ice/snow mixture that's been driven on and compacted to one thick, solid, sheet of ice on New England's black tops.

Call the base's snow line (because if the base is closed so is church) only to find that no, our local toxic crap hole is not closed. Shit.

Call the head lady in charge of CCD classes to see if we are indeed carrying on with school and, um, yes we are. Double shit.

For those of you who read this last year know that I don't drive in the snow. In fact, I don't even climb into a moving vehicle if there is so much as a slight chance it might snow in my general direction.

Jer takes the babies outside for their morning constitution, inspects the road ways and decides they aren't so bad and we can make it the 1 mile to church. Fuck.

I bow my head and pray to the big guy upstairs to keep me safe and alive so that I may make this torturous 1 mile trip, up and down hills (damn New England), while sitting in the passenger's seat with my hand covering my closed eyes screaming at Jeremy because "it feels like we're driving too fast and if you slide off the road so help you I don't murder you before I hop out of our rolled over vehicle and Kyra and I will just walk to church!"

Need me to elaborate further why I don't get in cars when there is a snow threat within 60 miles of my location?

But we made it, in one piece. Along with 20 other idiots who slid their way into the parking lot.

For the lack of showing in Church, as there may have been 10 students for the entire CCD program (3 of which were mine), classes were canceled.

You mean I risked my life and Jeremy sanity to show up to Church service so I may be present for all 3 of my students who parents decided to attend only to have the whole damned thing cancelled?

Its official. God hates me.

Little Miss Has Skills

It's a good thing Santa's bringing Little Miss a camera for Christmas because she's been practicing! These are one of a kind photos taken by our very own Kyra.

Here is our friend Candice.

And this is our Christmas Tree. Bishop wouldn't move.

Here is "Keyda's moose". (the pink thing)

Kyra would like to present to you all, "Santa Cause".

And this is Cricket, up close and personal.... with his nose.

Nan-Nee Nan-Nee Ha Ha

**Updated with pictures

It's snowing right this very minute. Kyra is thrilled. She's been asking since it started to fall if we are going to "make noman outside?"

If these weather men actually know their stuff, which sometimes I wonder if I could do their job, by the end of the day we are to have 3-6 inches on the ground.

And the gigantic hill behind our house will become a winter play land as we sled down at insanely dangerous speeds.

For those of you in the throws of summer or the ones living down south in the Bible Belt having record high temperatures, I'd just like to say Nan-nee nan-nee ha ha!

That's Kyra and I. Freezing our behinds off.

The reason the snow looks all pretty and sparkly is because it's covered in a thin sprinkling of freezing rain!

Kyra doesn't care if its freezing rain or snow, it all tastes the same to her.

The one difference she did notice is that it makes the sled move 100 times faster.

She was not amused with this faster speed.

Glory of Being a Woman

***Warning: If you are a man who has stumbled upon this post by accident, I suggest you stumble right back to where you came from. If you are a woman who'd rather not read things about "womanly issues" I'd advise you to turn back as well.***

Well, folks, it was that time of year again. That's right, the annual sneak peek into the nether regions.

I'm not going to gross you out with all the yucky details since all of you who read this are women (at least as far as I'm aware) and already knows what happens in the exam room.

Instead I'm going to fill you in on some insightful comments I'd rather not hear while my feet are in the stir ups. Such as:

Hmmm? -I can't see what you're looking at and your Hmmm sounded like a confused Hmmm. Ya mind elaborating a little?

Or:

I don't think you're relaxing enough. -And just how relaxed would you be should we swap places?

Even this conversation was a bit weird:

Doc: You're Cervix seems to have turned since I put the IUD in (19 months ago).
Me: Is that normal?
Doc: Well... a cervix is similar to how you write, you're either a lefty or a righty. A cervix either faces left, right, up or down.
Me: Um, okay? (is it me or did this explanation answer nothing about my question?) So is it bad that my cervix has turned?
Doc: It's just the way your body is.
Me: *Stay relaxed. Just stair at the ceiling. Oh, what pretty, plain, white tiles they have...*

Damn. Being a women is just down right sexy. Thank God we only have to do this once a year.

"Count Sheep to Sleep" My Ass

You know what really sucks? When you fall asleep on the couch watching Shrek the Halls.

Know what else sucks? When your sweet husband is trying to cover you with a blanket because you looked cold all curled up on the couch and accidentally wakes you up.

Wanna know why he's sweet? After accidentally waking you up he lovingly takes you to bed and tucks you in- snug as a bug in a rug style.

Can you guess what sucks for the sweet husband? When your wife emerges from the bedroom half an hour later and says she can't go back to sleep and would he kindly lay in bed with her until she falls asleep, thus interrupting his newly upgraded computer game.

Now, I bet you're dying to know what really, totally, completely is sucky about all this. Well I'll tell you. It's 10:30 and my body thanks me for the catnap as it is feeling refreshed and revived but my brain is telling me if I don't go to bed (and soon) I'll be paying for it come 7am.

And yet, here I am, back on the couch typing this up for all of you to read.

Any of you know a good trick to avoid this situation again? I'd just like to be prepared if there's a sequel to this in my future.

He's So Pretty, Oh So Pretty!

Jeremy actually allowed Kyra to brush his hair and decorate it with nearly every clip she could put her little fingers on. She's tried this before and he has denied her this bit of fun.

She tried to put every single clip we owned in his hair, but some of them just didn't make a tight enough hold to stay in his short blond locks. You can tell he's thrilled, can't you?

Even if Jeremy wasn't all that thrilled, Kyra and I clearly were!

By Show of Hands

How many of you think Jeremy and I should attempt at having another cute and cuddle baby?

You see, we've been talking about this subject since Scotland. That trip was the first time I had ever spent any kind of extended time away from Kyra and every single baby/toddler we passed I had the barely controllable urge to snatch up the unsuspecting kiddo- squeezing, hugging and kissing him/her until my little heart was content.

I chalked this up to missing my own little cutie pie and tried to dismiss the thought.

Then, oh, but then the damned thought just didn't go away! Every newborn I passed... awww, I want one! Every mother with multiple non terror inflicting children I passed... awww, I want a whole bunch of little ones!

Here is some brief background for ya: I was an unhappy pregnant person. I didn't glow. I didn't have an aura about me. I didn't enjoy one bit about being fat, uncomfortable and constantly put on diet restrictions by my doctors because I was gaining weight "too quickly". Shit, I topped out at 40 pounds.... when I was well more then a week past my due date!

Seriously, some people are meant to be pregnant, I am not. But, damn it if I don't want another one!

Jeremy and I are split 50/50 on this decision.

On one hand, we are very happy and content with Kyra and can't picture our lives with anyone other then the three of us. Not only was I a miserable pregnant lady, but I had a serious case of postpartum depression that didn't completely go away until Kyra was 9 months or so old. (I wanted desperately to off myself because I was certain Jeremy could find a better mother for Kyra then me) Frankly, I'd rather not go there ever again.

On the other hand, we keep flirting with the idea of adding to our family. We flirt, flirt, flirt. Oh, it would be so much fun to have a little baby in the house all over again. Kyra would have someone else to entertain, someone else to talk to when she can't confide in Mom or Dad (think about when you were a teen). And really, we're kinda looking at it as Kyra would have someone to hold on to when Jeremy and I are old, grey and do exit this life.

But we can't decide and we both seem to think we should figure this out, soon, like rightthisveryminute!

The thing is, we're moving to the Mason Dixon line in a little over a month. Probably to a much smaller house/apartment that we'll reside in for less then a year before the government decides to relocate us yet again. We still have Kyra's pack and play, Exersaucer, crib and various other baby items that we'll have to either find somewhere to rent and store for less then a year or get rid of these items all together.

If we decide to get pregnant again, is it worth it to save all these things in some rented cubical. Or should we dismiss this thought of getting pregnant all together.

Do you think Jer and I should take on a miserable pregnancy and a terrible postpartum depression all for the experience of having another demanding mouth to feed, first smile to witness and first steps to catch on video tape or should we forgo it all and stay ridiculously happy and content with our little family of 3 and offer to babysit for all of our friends newborns at every possible opportunity for the glory of having a quick baby fix and sending it home?

What's your call?

Perfect Evening

Because of this picture, I have had a perfect evening.

You see, I went to make sure Kyra fell asleep under her covers, and if she didn't I was going to tuck her in nice and tight.

What I find is a motionless, soundless body hanging over the side of a bed and did what any normal bodied person would do. I grabbed the camera to snap another picture of one of the strange positions Kyra sleeps in. Except that when the flash went off... because I was taking this picture in the glow of a night light... I noticed her little eyes were open and staring at me.

Jeremy, who at this point is standing behind me, picks her up to put her back under the covers as I take myself back down stairs.

Little do I know Jer follows me back down with Kyra tucked in his arms telling me "Kyra says she wants to go night-night on the couch."

So I've spent my evening with the lights turned off, Gray's Anatomy in the glow of the Christmas tree's lights. My little girl laying quietly under a blanket on the couch, Jeremy reading his book in the rocking chair by a lamp sporting a 15 watt bulb, and me- blogging on the computer while laying on the love seat, legs kicked up over the arm and watching one of the best episodes of Gray's this season.

Yep, I'd say it's been a perfect evening.

2 Going On 22

Kyra's top 3 (and only 3) requests for television watching time includes the following shows:

Wake up- Curious George
After Lunch- the News
After Nap- Oprah

While she can sit through and seems to enjoy an entire episode of Curious George, all we hear the rest of the day is "Watch TV, Oprah?" She won't sit through most of Oprah, but she gets down right giddy when it's finally time for her show to start.

Jer says I've corrupted his little girl, that she should be asking to watch cartoons- not the news at noon and Oprah.

Hey, its better then her asking to watching some skanky soap opera or Sex in the City reruns.

Batter and Brownies

At just over two years old, Kyra has finally had her first taste of a brownie. (blame it on the milk allergy she had for most of her baby and early toddler days)

After supper she helped Jeremy mix the batter... or, rather, lick the spoon he used to mix with.
To accomplish this final result:
And after a thorough cleaning in the shower while the goods were baking, she got to have her first bite of a wonderful chocolate delight. First, however, she insisted (like the ham that she is) that I take a picture of her and her brownie.
After eating about half of her square, she announced she was "all done" in favor of hopping down from the table to read a book with Daddy.

Books vs. Chocolate- she picks the books every time. She makes some wonderful choices in life.

Unattainable Christmas Wish List

Here's is my unattainable Christmas Wish List for this year. Every year I, like millions of others, have a rolling wish list of things I know we're not getting for the holidays but can't help but dream about.

1) 60+ acres of land for sale at a great price. Preferable with old farm house to fix up and maybe a barn and horse stable or two for good measure. But the land by itself would be fabulous too.

2) A fabulous, great paying job for Jeremy that not only allows him to like himself, but also something he enjoys and gets to watch his child grow up. Even though the Navy has great family benefits- i.e. medical, dental, guaranteed roof over head and steady paycheck twice a month- in the 26 months of Kyra's life, he's been home for roughly 11 (give or take a few days). There has to be an upside to the end of his Naval career... maybe some wonderful company could buy out his remaining 4.5 year contract?

3) A big, fat savings account for Kyra with enough money for her to do something important after graduating high school. I don't care if she goes to an Ivy League college, opens her own business or travels the world in search of a life that allows her to make something of herself.

4) Two tickets to my most favorite play in the whole wide world, Chicago. Jer took me to see this play 2 years ago, and with this being our last holiday in New England, within hours of New York City, its probably the last chance we'll be able to see it again. With a continuing car payment and 2nd car insurance policy, money is tighter then previous years.

5) A bag full of never ending $100 bills. Then I could fulfill my own Christmas list as well as many other families who could use a helping hand. Hey, can't ask for a helping hand without being more then willing to pass it along.

Do share... What's on your unattainable wish list?